Thought Process
"I ain't as crazy as I seem to be, it's just that nothin' is the way that is seem's to me. Im feelin' less then, druggin' him up with anti-depressants, In essence im threatenin my character assessment Truth told, I figure a few hoe's mixed with some new clothes should cover my loop holes. If I'm misunderstood or mis-guided, started when they passed the L' said 'just try it' "

- Joe Budden, Angel in my Life
Information
My name is Jarell & I'm a drug addict. I'd rather be alone, rather then surrounded by familiar strangers. I listen to wayy too much R&B & i hate you all.



December 25, 2008 @ 11:49 PM
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soon you'll understand...

the lakers lucked up and won, we'll be aight. we still the best in the leauge... christmas was aight, nephew got a shit load of stuff. i'm tired as hell, did wayy too much today. i should be passed out already but suprised i'm not. i'll be sleep after a few games on the 360 though. tianna's sleep now, everyones sleep or should be and i'm wide awake but will pass out soon. so merry christmas to those i haven't said it to and goodnight. i might be back next year, and i basically deleted er body on my myspace besides the people i talk to on a daily basis or 24/7, and shit. but idk, i might delete come next year and just log on yahoo from my phone and keep my music and blogspot shit update.

play some 2k9, sleep and prolly tomorrow i'll go clubbin. i won't be going new years i already know that for a fact. i might not go tomorrow, depends on how things look you know ? but i'll be gone now. ya'll can reach my on the cell phone or something. if you don't got the number, find somebody who does or just find me on MS and hawluh!


0 Comments

December 23, 2008 @ 7:29 PM
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i'm feelin all superhuman, she did that to me..

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@ 12:10 AM
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" go back to where your heart is, just be honest. "

just called someone 3 times in a row, and no answer. i don't know why i'm countin, i shouldn't be but i'll lose track sooner or later but oh well. i guess i won't blog that much anymore until AFTER new years, even though this is like my 43223 blog this week oh well... but after this i'll quit it. i'll be in columbia for the next two days too busy to touch a computer so yeah. my cousin pose to send me some exlcusive beats he's making and shit. regardless if i can't record over them i'm anxious to get them shits for some reason. tired of writin over other people beats. i'm watchin anger management and i seem to ALWAYS stop watchin after the part where they all have the sit down. i watched it TWICE and missed it after that part. first time was cause me & sis went to zaxbys. this time, just cause i was on the phone. fuck the movie, i'll download that motherfucker

tonight ? well today, i was a bit lazy. DID go out an went to get my dad something for christmas, and went to get some wrapping paper also. i'm walkin in, and a group of skinny tall broads walkin out lookin me in the face. i don't like that, don't do that shit. if u know me speak, if not look away and keep moving unless you tryna speak ho. then another broad did it when i came down the aisle singin the christmas song playing. i kept singin, no shame niggah! i've been seeing too many broads i know around family. like 5 girls already hugged me while my sister was round. " *smiles* that's your girlfriend erin ? " first time seeing the broads and she ask that shit. sdfu. like two of got kids... and the rest are just random broads.

reason i wrote this song, is cause of that song " circle" by marques houston, i like it for some reason. but it had me thinkin. i mean, i'm used to being talked about here and there and 24/7 and shit like idk, just simply my girl od'n it. its not a GOOD thing, but i mean that's my sign that i'm actually, truly loved... why ? idk. that just lets me know i don't have anything to worry about and nothing/noone else is on her mind. but when i barley see that, and then other signs and shit floatin round i just think. what if i'm just that niggah she's with just to be with. just not to be lonley and thinkin bout someone in the past. i don't know, i'm just assume'n and guessing. i don't know, but i feel that way. like i'm just the middle man, that's here for NOW but once that person come beggin back it's " its not you, it's me " idk, i'll give it some thought

" when you live in my memories forever more, i swear
they're apart of the list, things that i miss.. "

0 Comments

December 22, 2008 @ 11:16 AM
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who you can love you like me, nobody
who can sex you like me, nobodyyy

my back hurt, i downloaded a few movies that will soon be dvdscrn's but i'm tired of waiting for the better quality versions, i'll just watch the cam versions and watch the others later on when they come on. yesterday was boring, i watched movies most of the day and today... i dk what i'll do. gotta go get nephew a coat, taking him to columbia with us... which WILL be hell, i already know but they want him to go. going to chemo tomorrow, gotta pack tonight. get up tomorrow and go to columbia and christmas eve afternoon we'll back and i'll be playing 2k9 that night. i already wrapped it up even though i played it 23132 times, OH WELL

new years, planned... me, wan and a hand full of others i think going to some club in columbia, and i'm going to show my ass. not gett pissy drunk though, just know i'll have some of that good shit in the car. martell & coke or some southern comfort... whatever i can get my sis to get me from the store. just know i'll be sippin that good shit, black in other hand HOPFULLY NOT DRIVING. and i will pass out wherever... but yeah, let me end this and go watch these movies.

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December 21, 2008 @ 11:11 PM
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" can u tell me what to do when all the feelings is gone
when u look around - your all alone cuz all of that went wrong
tell me how u look into my face & say “baby I cant stay”
what do u do when the love just fades away ? "

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December 19, 2008 @ 6:43 PM
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nobody's gone love me like me

so this song is on repeat, i don't know why i like it so much. it's just that deep i guess, and i'm into that type of music.. especially coming from joe budden. who wouldn't repeat a joe budden track ? i'm saying though. i'd see if it was some touch & go, pump it up shit... but besides joey it's been a fucked up day. got to wake sis up at 9 something so she can go back to her bullshit job. christmas party wasss shitty. didn't go cause of many reasons, and if there reasons NOT to go some where then that's a sign to just leave it alone and that's what i did. back in these four walls, playing 2k9 like always... writtin a bullshit blog, phone beside me on silent... it WAS turned off but i can't keep my phone off. got a bottle of some koolaid, well it was water but now it's koolaid, and my music up loud so i can't hear shit. that's how i like it... yenno ?

tomorrow's going to be a day full of choirs my mom will bug me to do. wash the car, clean it out... clean the house/room/bathrooms.. then finally cook dinner and get out the movie i promised to burned. see, i WANT to burn it but then again it's gonna take allll night and then it might fuck up while i'm sleep and i'll wake up having to do it all over so idk, i like to be awake to see if it messes up. it wastes no time, i can start it back over without any troubles or wantin to surf the web and the burning process going mad slow. i might end up watchin it tonight, i'm just sayin. i got that dvdscr... shit looks clear and like the actual dvd so i'm in bidness, might sell this shit. put in work son son.

so tonight, i guess i'll watch soul man or lakeview terrace or some shit idk yet still tryna decide. prolly finish playing this season on 2k9 a lil bit then find something on here to do... go see if mom cooked something if not oh well. prolly get up AFTER this blog and smoke this black and come back here and bullshit around. i really don't feel like being on here though. just that feelin like i wanna cutt this shit off sometimes and let it sit there off for a whileee. might do that after christmas. leave my computer off on christmas morning and never cutt it back on until... january 1, 2009. godieslow.

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@ 3:27 AM
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" i'd rather be alone. "

i'm a bit sleepy, watchin this old christmas episode of fresh prince. i'm not really watchin, but listening which is what i do round this time when i'm on here and the tv's on. today was aight, i got up late like always and thought i was going to actually do something but only ended up going to walmart and spendin hours in there just to return one god damn game. i guess the christmas last minute shoppin thing is going on and keepin these niggahs too busy. i actually stood in 3 lines today, just for a return. left walmart highly annoyed, just wanted to get home. idk if the workers heard me complain'n about how slow they where and how they better hurry the hell up before i get rude. i tried not to be rude but it felt like them niggahs was testin my gangster. suwop ? but nah, this gang shit is played out. it's like every time i turn somebody either a blood or a crip... if not they claiming some made up gang, i give up tryna keep up with ya'll guys.

tomorrow, got nothing really important to do. just going to a christmas party at my sisters job... i don't care too much for who's gonna be there or none of that whack shit, i just remember last year how it was. old asses in the middle of the floor tryna dance, people from military coming in and eating then leaving like they we're invited. shit was cool to say it was a hand full of people i didn't know. i turned my phone off at like 9, turned it back on at 10 then turned it back off. now it's sittin here chargin... prolly done chargin but i don't care. i wanna play some 2k9 to keep me up, but being that i suck at that shit i don't want to lose and get mad and break the controller on one of these walls or some shit. i was close to doing it early, fuckin gay ass game.

what's your new years resolution ? idk mine yet, i prolly got handfull. nothing out of the ordinary though like... try harder in school, distant myself from some people, trust no one, show no love... etc type shit. basically shit that has had me almost on some emo shit. some may say i was a bit passed emo stage but i don't think so. i think i was just down, and alot of shit going on... and niggahs wasn't making it no better so i just got tired. when i'm tired of shit i just give up on niggahs, give up on caring, give up on everything and that's it. nothing really to it, nothing anybody can say or do to change that. moms cancer issue, sisters issues which are like all scattered... from her not being able to drive her own damn car to her being pregnant again and easy to get mad and bullshit like that. i can't live with this, i need a car so i can just drive as far away from this and get my mind straight. idc where, just far from sumter, SC.

i decided not to start ignoring motherfuckers. why ? idk, i just feel like i've been being too nice and shit to some of ya'll folks. i feel like i've been letting ya'll get away with shit. like we won't talk for 3232 months and out of the blue here you go tryna talk to me and joke around with me or some shit. i'll just get you the =| face or a simple lol. if its not worth that, you ain't getting shit. ignoring calls, erasing numbers, got a total of 16 people on my myspace list... and like 12 people on my yahoo so i prolly erased you just cause i haven't talked to you in a week or so. i'm just that fucked up. it's sad, r&b and these sad songs, budden songs and most of EM shit are like the key to my saneness. i've been feeling mad down, and edgy lately. i don't know what's been wrong with me, that's just how i've been lately and i think it's just stress that i'll easy get rid of sooner than later. this blog wasn't suppose to be this long btw.

0 Comments

December 18, 2008 @ 9:12 PM
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i don't need your love

so, i'ma play this 2k9 or watch seven pounds until the end of night or until i get sleepy i guess. turned my phone off, just so i won't be bothered with the bullshit & the lies & all that other gay shit i'm tired of. i'll end up turning it on by 12 though, just to play my lil bubbles game like last night and fall asleep in the process. i need to register for next semester and shit... i'll get to that tomorrow and do my finiacial aid bullshit. took my 2k9 game back today... took these dumb niggahs a hour to get me my damn game, THEN had to walk in the front and wait in ANOTHER line. i know it's christmas time but god damn niggahs.

i think i'm a cutt the 360 off for the rest of the night, i played enough games and was about to throw this controller everytime i got close to losing. it was just that these niggahs keep foulin me and it ain't call it but for them it called it everytime ain't that some gay shit though. but yeah... i'll holler. short blog today, just cause i don't feel like typin that much and i'm hot, headache, STILL SICK, and leg been hurtin all day from this mornings charlie horse. wtf

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@ 2:29 PM
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i don't know what's real anymore

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December 17, 2008 @ 1:27 AM
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" i must've been dusted, cause u look like shit
all these years, they ain't done you no justice "

idk, it's 1:30 and i'm not tired but getting there so i would say i'd prolly be sleep by 2:00, 2:30 maybe. i sat here all day, well not here but you know. i took gma home or whatever, came home and ate and watched my movie. took me all day to finish watchin the day the earth stood still that shit wasn't even all that, i'm dissapointed. i WILL be erasing that shit off my hardrive motherfucker. this song at first wasn't all that, but i started to listening to it more and liking it more and might even play it out til the point where i know everyline like i always do with some budden shit. i don't feel like writin alot tonight though, gotta hit up worldstar and finish watchin videos... that jeezy video was whack but that god damn cd go so hard. i listen to that wholeee shit a COUPLE of times and still that shit sounds hot every time i listen to it. plies album is whack, he fucked up this round. but yeah.

" jus' sad, get mad cause my bitch bad "

i think before i fall asleep, i'm a get a cold cup of water with some ice and shit. turn on my 360 and play the fuck outtah some 2k9. i can't wait til fight night round 4 drop though, that shit looked so hard. it was ali vs tyson... i actually think ali would fuck tyson ass up buttt since they both old and all that good shit we'll never know but thats my opinion. tyson ain't fuckin with ali. but yeah, fuck talkin bout games. i think i'm bout to text tianna bitch ass, even though she's prolly passed out. she need to wake the hell up though, i'll call 50 million times until she actually wakes up and if she don't answer i'll call a couple more times... fuck it. i'm starting to get sleepy now. i usually depend on sleeping pills to put me to sleep which i think i'm a need to refrain from doing but still... them shits help a niggah when i'm wide awake listening to emo music at 4 o clock, downloading movies and watching george lopez and fresh prince repeats. but speakin of george lopez... his show's coming on. let me watch this before i play my early christmas present. oh yeah, CELTICS PLAY HAWKS TOMORROW... everybody should watch that and stuff cause celtics had a hard time beatin them last year so it might be a actual good gamme. who knows ? and nae, i hope something bad happens to you just because i don't like you. but let me go now.


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December 16, 2008 @ 4:52 PM
wonderful.

" i got problems like everybody else, they're great problems though "

surprisingly, i ain't as sleepy as the other day. i swear, i fell asleep on moms and nephew yesterday i was too tired to even bother with them. i laid there and fell asleep... got up and walked to my room cause i got hot and went right back to sleep. but today, i'm good.. not as tired just my arm's hurting. went to get my 2k9, already played a few games but believe later i will be OD'n it. i got scared earlier, had spilled a lil water on my laptop and thought i fucked it up. i learned my lesson. but today was boring as everyday of my life but i ain't complaining. got up, could've stayed sleep until it was time for me to leave buttt nobody told me that i could stay sleep and instead i didn't really get all the sleep i wanted. got up, went to take the test... all them motherfuckering numbers! i skimmed through that shit was done madd early. i sat there and waited til people started jumpin up and turning there shit in... i jumped up and toss that shit to him and dipped. payed moms insurance thennn came home chilled for a while. took her back out christmas shoppin ( why call it xmas ? lazy fucks ) got my 2k9 in the process and a few gifts here and there.

lately a few heads been poppin up here and there, meaning some of you online fucks. lena, neesha a few people been tryna hit me up and talk to me. my bad for the hostility, i just don't fuck with nobody and don't feel like being bothered by anyone anymore like that. don't care to talk, so don't bother IM'n me if you see me online or msg'n me on myspace i might just ignore that shit and erase it just to be stubborn. i wouldn't care. i ain't on that emotypeshit i was on the past days, i'm good now. i ain't trippin bout shit anymore, i'm done worryin or pullin my dreads and cutting myself off from the world. cutting myself off from everyone seem to be working pretty fine. i tried to watch ghost town last night but the shit was just that boring that i fell asleep. i think i'll watch it and just fall asleep causeee yeah, that shit was OD dumb but the preview made it seem like it was gone be some funny ass movie. all the jokes are like, dull as hell. i need to find superbad so i can watch that tonight and laugh some, or 40 year ol virgin... either one will do. let me endd this





0 Comments

@ 1:46 AM
better man.

" it's crazy how she makes me wanna be a better man for her.. "

so today was boring, i can't complain though. i enjoyed the lil 5 minute exam... the teacher really could've made it a some brain teasers. but she gone put 5 questions. "what state are you in" "what did u like about this class" bitch that ain't no exam and tomorrow/today, will be boring. i did get to watch eagle eye though. shit was actually good to say the least. i watched most of it, then tianna called then i watched the rest after the motherfucker fell asleep on me. righttt noow, i'm not sleepy at all, but i'll try to sleep and if i can't i guess i'll just be up until school time watchin movies or whatevers on TV. right now i'm watchin george lopez, waiting on home improvement or will smith to come on which usually come on and stay on until i pass out. anddd speakin of will, shit just came on but after this blog i'm a jump up and find me something to drink and prolly some chips or something come back and relaxed. i ain't really sleepy because i basically slept for like 5 hours earlier, idk why i was so tired... i barley did alot. i guess i woke up too early. woke up & nobody was here, sold my books for like 40 dollars but only two of them so i was mad i got up so early for 40 dollars... niggah gtfo.

" & even though we’ll fight & may not get along sometimes
It’s cool cause I know that if I fight with you and cry with you
I can make it up all night with you so… "

i've been listening to a mixture of music, i wasted my time downloadin jamie foxx and that keyshia cole bullshit. but anthony & musiq soulchild albums came out aiight. could've been better. and this song " until " by musiq is stuck in my head, it was stuck in my head all day. it ain't even the topic of the song or nothing idk what it is about the song. shit is still playing in my head. but uhh, i'm about to finish listenin to this cd prolly even pop in luvandmusiq also... get me something to drink prolly smoke the rest of my black then come back here and rest until i hopfully fall asleep cause i got an exam tomorrow. MATH exam to be exact, the last exam that i know will be stressful but idc... i'm a go there and zip through that shit. fail or pass, i really don't care no more. it's not the fact that i don't care about school its the fact i don't NEED math, idk why they gave it to me. oh well... my dreads are ticklin my ear and i keep thinkin its a fly or something flyin in my ear... i need to tie these shits back or something. get em re-done, and tie them in a rubberband. let me go though

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December 14, 2008 @ 2:01 AM
withdrawal.

" i guess love ain't love, no more..."

so i'm watchin this repeat of this episode, family matters... when carl passes out and steve saves him and shit. i seen this earlier, they can't act for shit... i'm mad i used to like this show. i'd rather watch full house, foreal... the white kids act better then these fuckers. but yeah, this niggah just called me... told me she sat up, in the car... instead of inside of the house, textin someone.. for like almost an hour and which was AFTER we stopped textin, who's there to text like 2AM? i guess she decide to call me cause she was bored after that person went to sleep. idk, idc... i just know she was like pratically my last resort to sanity & that's startin to slowly dissipated. it don't matter though, i'm good... just been feeling mad indifferent, and unstable lately. my cousin kind've in a fucked up place too, i got to hit him up tomorrow... make sure he's aight.

" u know that this ain't my fault, but I ain't even mad at all
just a little hurt, ckuz i know i don't deserve this.... "

i really wasn't going to blog until prolly the days before christmas or after moms chemo which is the 23rd and then it's the 24th which we should be home for the rest of christmas eve so that's cool still. christmas is coming wayyy too fast though, it's gonna end as quick as it come then new years...then it's gonna be 09 and shit thennn another year of prolly the same bullshit but i'll try to make sure shit change. i don't want another year of the same shitt.. i'm tired right now but i'm sorta kindve fightin sleep. i don't want to sleep though, i will after i listen to this song 3232 times more which is the one that's playing now ( trey songz ). i might finish watchin traitor, it was better than i thought it would've been... let me end this.


0 Comments

December 12, 2008 @ 11:22 PM
bad news.

if this is love, I don't wanna see hate. if this is real, i don't wanna see fake
You know that ain't love love, that ain't love love, that ain't love love, that ain't love love


lol, i'm done with it all. i feel like i'm letting too much shit slide by, it's not even big important things though , nothing that just anybody wouldn't let slide. like simple, petty shit. it's just little slick things niggahs/bitches are doing and i'm just lettin 'em get away with it so easily and shit. well, fuck all that as of today/tonight, whatever... i'm just gone keep my distance from some of ya'll for my sake. not even some of ya'll, MOST of ya'll. like the only person i really have any intrest in talkin to is tianna, but i barley talked to her all day and if that go on for much more i'll just stop stressin myself over that and let her text me when she wants and if she don't, i'll leave it at that. i don't see the purpose anymore... anybody else, i gotta say something to ya'll always, if i don't ya'll niggahs won't worry bout me or say shit to me. i gotta say hi, i gotta message you, comment you , text you etc... nah, i'll pass. you not fuckin with me, i'm not fuckin with you. simple & plain.

if ya'll need me, ya'll know how to reach me. other then that, i'm leaving everybody alone for good. i mean none of that emo shit that some of ya'll be on or none of that... i feel alone in this world shit even though i kind've do, but i ain't on none of that shit cause alone is better then be surrounded by most of ya'll. not really surrounded. but on another topic, its like too much going on today. first my mom bring her bf here, my sister bf got him a early present from one of his cousins or whatever. THEN my dads brother come over to see us and shit while HE here. like these niggahs never call until they in the yard you know ? these niggahs think they slick and shit, gone call AFTER they sittin in the yard. after they leave everybody else leave but my moms and her bf and me and my nephew. jj and my sis get back, i'm tryna sleep with my nephew but wake up anyway. now after a while, my sister go to work talkin bout how she leaving to go to a hotel/motel or whatever cause dude spendin the night. idc though, i don't trust him but i'm not leaving MY hosue for him nor am i leaving moms so fuckkk that.

" the lord says forgive I will never forget
shoulda picked up the phone when the times got ugly
i've been misconstrued, lied to & abused, niggahs still swear that they love me "

nooww, my sisters at work and my DAD calls checkin up on us, knowing he calling to be nosey. my sister calls me to tell me that jj, HE JUST BEEN HERE A FEW MINUTES AGO but she said this niggah went wherever and was argue'n with niggahs about how he got a gun and gone shoot niggahs up ALREADY, so she said he's drunk and if she call back to come get her just incase, so i gotta stay up to 1:30. tianna, havent talk to her all day almost... and she tells me she feels sick etc etc she's going to sleep... k, that's nice. my neck hurts & my back hurts... i'm sleepy, i might have to stay up another hour and half, nephew still up... i'm just wylin right now. alot of thoughts running threw my head like i actual got like a million thoughts running through my mind. it's like wild how much different shit is going on right now with me, and how unstable i feel. i felt that way this whole week but let me go and check on my nephew and my momma. i'll blog tomorrow or something. fuck how ya'll feel though.

Our bonds was severed, but all you had to say was fuck me
I smelled your bullshit, consider me lucky

0 Comments

@ 3:52 PM
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" baby we could be the greatest love song "

i feel good today, i don't know what happen i just woke up and thought of alot of shit and smiled. took a good shit, a shower... brushed my teeths, played some nba live ( tryna get 09 before this week is over with ) and relaxed. got my 50 from my sister, and went out spendin money like a fool. sister got almost a G on her check, so she going christmas shoppin or just to finish her christmas shopping i figure. i'm def tryna go get this 09 game though, if i don't get it i'll be maddd. CELTICS WON LASTNIGHT... idk who won with utah, hopfully they did. Charlotte bobcats and cleveland are like my secondary teams, i used to fuck with suns but idk about 'em so fuck 'em. and def fuck lakers. but i haven't been on in a minute, cept besides on my phone... was on myspace and shit on my phone off and on just cause my phone got myspace mobile.

Just finished downloadin like my 6th album maybe ? I know download keyshia cole, plies, jamie foxx, anthony hamilton, beyonce, avant & musiq soulchild new shit... okay so i was wrong, 7.. ohwell but you know its maddd albums that leaked this past week and i've been on the grind to get all of them shits. i'm just waiting for another album to leak, i didn't know all these niggahs were dropping next week, maybe they aren't but they shit leaked anyway oh well. i'm gonna relax for the rest of the day and wait til i hear from tianna bitch ass. might go find my box of blacks and smoke the whole box up tonight even though my sis said i need to slow it down. i will but still, shits help me relax and calm myself so... hawluh.

"My yesterday's are gone and tomorrow's never promised to no one
I finally decided girl , that my today is you "

0 Comments

December 11, 2008 @ 1:21 AM
knock yourself out.

sorry for the trouble that i put you & you heart through

so tonight, i'm really tired. i haven't laid down once, my door is wide open and i'm sittin up cause i know in a few i'll have to jump up again and again. if my sister & her bf argue once more i'm just giving up. i'lll just go to sleep with no worry in the world, believe me. but i'm pose to be listening to these albums even though i got a exam tomorrow, i think i'll wake up a lil early tomorrow yenno ? idk what i'm a wear tomorrow though. it might just be a hour though, so i'll run in and get it over with quick... don't really need to dressed down, throw on a white t, pajamas and get it over with. come home and relaxxx, while it rains. it's raining now, it rained since 8 something and i've yet to sleep! god i can't stand my family. but yeah, i'll get the sleep i deserve in a hour or two.

that lil shit jay got on his blog is cool, i think i'll steal that... see if i can find more of these shits. idkwhy, just cause it turned out to be more interesting then i thought it would've been


1. Put Your iTunes on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Tag at least 10 friends.
6. Anyone tagged has to do the same, because fun pointlessness spreads like a virus.

If someone says, “Are you okay?” you say?
Shot to the heart - Lil Wanye

How would you describe yourself?
Fatal - J holiday

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Baby - LL Cool J & Dream

How do you feel today?
Out of Character - Avant

What is your life’s purpose?
Knockin Da Boots - Jodeci

What is your motto?
The Game - Common

What do your friends think of you?
Thug me like that - Lil Boosie

What do you think of your parents?
So Fly - Slim & Yung Joc

What do you think about very often?
Sorry, Blame it on me - Akon

What is 2 + 2?
Song Cry - Jay Z

What do you think of your best friend?
Diamond Girl - Ryan Leslie

What do you think of the person you like?
I wish - Carl Thomas

What is your life story?
Red Magic - The Game

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Thugs Mansion(Acoustic) - 2pac & Nas

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Spanish Fly - Jadakiss

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Frontin - Pharell & Jay Z

What will they play at your funeral?
He Can't Love You - Jagged Edge

What is your hobby/interest?
Thank God I Found You - Joe

What is your biggest fear?
Call Up The Homies - Ludacris & The Game

What is your biggest secret?
The One That Got Away - Johnta Austin

What do you think of your friends?
Stay - Brian Mcknight

What will you post this as?
Knock Yourself Out - Jadakiss


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December 10, 2008 @ 1:16 PM
whatever.

everybody knows, but nobody really knows

sittin here in my room, finally got it back now that my brother & his broad left. i missed my room and missed my tv and everything in here even though all i did was sit here on the computer and watched tv most of the time in here. nothing else to do, so why not ? it's pose to raining/storming today,tonight, tomorrow and i got exams earlyyy tomorrow like today. tomorrow hopfully the test won't be as long and as difficult as todays. i mean, it wasnt difficult but you know... i didn't study as i do any other day so it wasn't as easy as i thought it would've been. i have hope though. got to school, and most of 'em sittin in the non smokin area where people smoke anyway. so i sat and chilled with them talkin bout people like everyone does and then got up and stood in the hallway with the rest of them. teacher came a few minutes late, valesha still botherin me about getting her something for her birthday. niggah i don't buy family shit on there birthdays unless i got moneyyy soo that's a lost cause.

the teacher came, opened the door... i went in and took the test, tried to go fast but wanted a decent grade. finished, turn it in and leftttt. came home and went RIGHT back out after i get relaxed. i already knew mom was going to do it so i didn't even strip like i always do. we went to umm maxway, foodlion, dollar general, the bank, and then aldis or whatever that store is called. it's like another save alot, just named different and they don't give you bags and u gotta pay a quater for a buggie... how retarded is that. i erased all them bloglinks cause i didn't see no point in having it. i read only a few blogs now and then, and if there long blogs i won't read 'em until times like this where i have nothing to do. i read james blog, tianna's, nae's and some treys. i'd read jae's but she has become predictable to me so i already know what to expect when i read hers

tomorrow is my cpt 101 exam, and i missed the test i had in there. i'll go to the test room to see if she put it there for me to take knowing she prolly didn't, i'll go just in case. i need to also sign up for next semester, go sell my books back to them niggahs monday and take my last exam tuesday and i won't have to wake up at 8 and dress up and ride all the way there to sit and class and listen to them go on and on about useless shit. other then school, i got nothing else going for me. still filling out applications but no calls, so i guess i'll just stick with school for now. i don't got no time to be running after jobs when nobody cares to even call. they put it up they're hiring but i barley even get calls so i say fuck it. i'll try again next year, i don't feel like it anymore. i ain't in the working mood anymore, these niggahs ruined my christmas spirit.

" if you're out there... tomorrow's startin now "

i need a lil chair in here, i don't always wanna lay down and these lil green chairs hurt my back so i'll just sit up and lean against the wall. that's good enough. uhhh, i erased most of my yahoo list and erased most of my phonebook in my phone. i might trim it so more, i don't want numbers just to be in there. my phone's always locked so nobody can really look through my phone or any of my numbers unless i let them. i think i'm going to end this blog soon, i don't know why i've been writing alot lately. i'm just in the bloggin mood more then ever. i'd blog about alot of other shit but i'm tired of complaining. it's just not worth it anymore, when i feel like gettin shit off my mind/chest then i'll just blog but for now, i don't even feel like blogging about any of the shit that's been botherin me. it's a bunch of different shit that's been buggin me. mostly people, family and personal stuff. like who cares about what goes on in between these four walls of mine

i think i'll watch movies, wait for the rain.. and sleep the day away just because i'm in a fucked up mood. i don't know what fucked my mood up, i just don't feel like doing shit today. i don't even feel like cleaning up, watchin my nephew... none of that shit. i just feel like sittin here and relaxin with not a worry in the world. well i was GOING to go smoke a black and take a shit and come back and try to sleep or something buttt i see i have to go drive in the rain if it rains by the time we're on our way back. mom says she gotta go help my grandma with her bills, she's confused and don't know which ones she hasn't paid and has paid or something. idk, she just told me i have to take her after she finish cookin which is soon. so i'm a still take that shit, and smoke that black but nowww i have to leave go all the way across town and see my grandma. it's almost 2, and i feel we wont leave her house until like 4 something and hopefully my sisters boyfriend get the baby for the day cause i'm tired of him already. i haven't even watched him long enough and i'm already tired. i feel like chokin the life outtah somebody, anybody for no reason. ramming somebody car into on coming traffic and shit. idk what's wrong with me, tianna's the only reason i'm still sane. pray for me - hawluh!

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@ 12:17 AM
it's ridiculous...

i've had this annoying ass cold for like almost a month now, i'm exaggerating but it really feels like i've been coughin & sneezing for that long. i wake up feeling horrible and go to sleep feeling horrible but i man up and deal with it like every sickness i suffer. other then me being sick i've been dealing with a lot of other stuff lately, it's not none of that depressing type shit though. school hasn't been stressing until up to now, i mean i stuck it out for a while and just did the work but it's just been too much for me. like what's been fuckin with me lately has been all the pointless work. some classes i don't even do work in though. like english & cpt 176 & cpt 101. all we do is go in, and the teacher will talk. and the next class meeting we either have a quick quiz that i usually luck up and pass or we have a lab.

in my english class, we just write papers and dicuss shit and cpt 101 we work behind a computer doing simple shit so that' boring as hell. math, that's like the only class i really try to avoid most of the time. it's not that math, it's the long ass problems. it takes you 10 minutes to finish one problem and all the problems are almost that long, i have no time for that shit. i get annoyed spendin more then a minute on one problem so i just say fuck it. but i blame myself for the stress, i've been slackin with turning in work, going to my classes and doing tests and quizes. i just get lazy and say fuck it sometimes and i know that's gone be the reason i prolly fucked this semester up but oh well. regardless of what happen, fuck school!

today, i took sister to court... mad as hell cause this is the 2nd day in a row i've been forced to get up early. so i'm pissed off and i'm in the shower thinkin about what i'm going to do today knowing i don't have my presentation done nor am i ready for that quiz. so i decide then and there to skip cpt 101.. that class don't matter to me. i'm takin 176, fuck i need 101 for ? sister said i was walkin around the house lookin all mean in the face and ignoring what they we're saying to me. i mean i was just mad for no reason and was thinkin of reasons which made it even worse. start throwin my brother shit around. he pose to be here to help, but he made it harder for me cause mom can't clean up after his mess so i was left with that responsiblity. he can stay in DE.

but i took my sis to court, smoked a black and was calm by the time i got to school. buttt i sat in the car and skipped my first class just cause it would've been pointless if i went. i thought about skippin math and i should've but i still went and learned a lil, he went over the review so i sat and listened for a while. i promise you, jessica acts like she's slow as fuck. she ask the dumbest questions then laugh and try to play it off. i just wanna tell her to sdfu just cause her voice is annoying. i got up and walked out while he was teachin cause i got annoyed cause she was extra loud. textin tianna all day, phone half dead and shit and still tried to charge my phone up every minute. after class though, i sleep for like 2 to 3 hours... and that shit was greattt. i was disturbed a few times but i still decided to go righttt back to sleep

" If I'm totally ignored, I might withdraw "

on another subject, i'm startin to say fuck all these niggahs online. i mean, i'm cool with a few but that's like 4 or 5 people. i mean i fuck with tianna, trey, james, jae and arayah... and i barley talk to some of them as it is. lewan, i known this niggah since we been in middle school together and we're mad cool so he don't count but like the people i talk to almost on a daily basis is mostly tianna now, use to be a handfull of names but now it's like if i don't say shit to nobody, the only person that i'll talk to the whole day is tianna & that's the only person i care to talk to. i mean offline, i talk to most of the annoying fuckers in my class, valesha, tia, kenyatta, few white girls... forgot there names but oh well. some people from highschool & fam but i'm talkin bout online and it's like i TRY to talk to niggahs like bee,arayah, brooke all these niggahs but i see its useless. i won't even speak to them niggahs no more, fuck being nice to niggahs.

i don't refer to ya'll niggahs online as friends, for reasons. if i don't talk to you then that's how i'm a keep it, if i fuck with you on occassions then you're just there for entertainment or just to keep me occupied for then. if i TRY to talk to you in a text or in a msg and you ignore me or brush me off on that bullshit then i'm just leaving it at that. i ain't tryna waste no energy on none of ya'll i just needed something to blog about. and i wroteee too much FUCKyouall

" Old heads said reality is fake & fakes the new real
Nothing's prescribed to me but taking a few pills "



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December 8, 2008 @ 10:10 PM
what's real.

" why do i feel so alone ? "

i'm tired & shit, but i think i'll stay up last night and whip up some bullshit work for this damn cpt 101 class. don't ask me why i'm takin cpt 101, and at the SAME time takin cpt 176. like... i'm taking a class where most of the students been there for a while and had to take madd classes before they got there and at the same time i'm takin a class where i'm learning microsoft word, like wdf ? i just bullshit around in that class cause i don't see the purpose. but whatever, i think by next year when i get that money if i don't have enough money to get a car, i'll save up for one. i want a car i don't have to keep paying for each month, and a car that i can just spend a couple G's for and that's it. My sister found a couple deals like that, i wanta good deal... i don't care too much for old cars though.

panthers playing right now, i'm not paying too much attention just waiting for this game to be done and see who wins. my ear is botherin me and these motherfuckers just got a fuckin turnover.. thats some bullshit. idc, i'm a go smoke this black and i WONT be back to blog cause i'm tired of this bloggin shit and yet everyday i get on to blog about what i'm doing or what i plan on doing. my brother leaves tomorrow, i got homework to do and i'm annoyed - hawluh!

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December 7, 2008 @ 8:57 PM
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sittin here watchin eastside high, i really don't feel like watchin it so yeah. i'm about to go to sleep or something cause it's boring and my nephew is wide awake so i prolly won't be sleepin anytime soon and he's being madd loud right now and i can barley watch tv. i don't even feel like bloggin right now, ain't really do shit. tried to SLEEP all morning but kept jumpin up and hearin my mom & brother talk. tomorrow i got school. OH SHIT I GOT A RESEARCH PAPER DUE TOMORROW omfg... yo i really didn't pay attention i had shit due. WHICH MEANS

i will have to get on the grind TONIGHT, do alot of work and alot of quizes on mathlab... man oh man. I got a research due tomorrow, a presentation due and godd, i gues i'll give it to her LATE or something. Yeah, let me send her a note right now so i won't fail that stupid ass class. i hope she let me do that, even if she don't i'm a do it regardless. Let me get to it now, cause i'm fuckin up badd

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December 6, 2008 @ 2:50 AM
poppin pills.

trouble sleeping - corrine bailey rae

i need to go to sleep, but for some reason i'm fightin it even though i was close to passing out a few minutes ago. sister nem' came in and woke me up, soooo... i'm textin and nobodies responding. i hate that, i text for people to respond and keep me entertain until i fall asleep on them. after this i'll text everybody in my contacts to see who responds and then if its somebody i don't wanna talk to don't respond back. i should just take my black ass to sleep, watch tv til i fall asleep like i do any other night. i really wanna watch spiderman 3 but i know i'll watch 5 minutes of it and be knocked out like last night when i keep falling asleep on 40 year old virgin

idk why i decided to blog again. i'm laying here listening to musiq's new album "radio" few decent track, but it ain't no half crazy type heat... it's like he's switched up his style a lil and its kind've boring... but i'm a still listen to him regardless i downloaded avant's cd, idky i even bothered getting mya's shit. prolly cause she looks like someone i used to know and i wanna hump her face. i know she can sing, but she can't make songs cause she sucks... AWL HELL rosanne boring ass coming on. timeee to turnnnn

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December 5, 2008 @ 9:10 PM
19 - 2.

bed - j holiday

lost my wallet, almost wrecked a FEW times and yelling at the cars that almost hit me in walmart, man today was aighttt.. sumter is maddd boring it was like nobody important in walmart or at the mall. i mean a few broads that WORKED in the stores but besides that i seen like two people, said whassup to whatshisface.. smh @ me forgettin his name THAT quick. oh well, niggah tryna grow his dreads shits lookin all short and ugly LOL, his cousin or w/e she was baddd though, lil lightskined short thang. i didn't care though, seen alot of thick broads tonight for some reasonm never see em any other night. i was maddd that i had to go take my grandma then do all this other bullshit. but then i forgot i was mad once i got to the store so that's whatever

i don't be seeing NOBODY when i go out but that's because i went out like 1-2am that time.. that was only last weekend. Went riding at like 12 something and nobody was out. was supirsed the mall was open at that time. so yeahhhh, went to the store back and forth tryna be on the phone and listen to the CD i had in the cd player. i'm about to watch this halftime shit and wait for the game to come back on. celtics are winning by 13 right now, halftime cuzzo! - hawluh!

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December 4, 2008 @ 11:51 PM
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motherfucker i'm SPECIAL! well atleast to her i am. but i'm sittin here watchin the 40 year old virgin for like the 20th time and shit. Andy is stupid as fuck, even though i seen this movie so many times i still laugh like a damn fool and his dumb ass comments/actions.

" i be nailin her & she be like aww YOUR NAILING ME "
"ooohh mee so horny, me love youuu long time"

but fuck bloggin about this movie, i'm watchin spiderman 3 after this goes off. this week has been madddd crazy. i mean, not even this week just these past few days. like lastnight started shit off... i'm calling tianna bitch ass 3232 times tryna wake her up to keep my company cause i can never go to sleep until like 3 or 4 so yeah. this niggah JJ pulls up and him and my sister outside argue'n face to face like they bout to fight like two grown men and shit so i'm buggin. i open the door and tell em to calm down. sister come in, he outside talkin shit and gone yell he leaving... he pull back in the yard and come in talkin shit. long story short, this niggah drunk as hell and he ready to fight everybody. i'm there talkin to him and shit, he's telling me about some dude pullin a pistol on him and puttin it to his head then he goes outside to cool down and its like he's actually out there fightin somebody, talkin shit... in the neighbors yard talkin shit. yelling through the window AC.

so yeah, after like 3 and tianna sleep on me and i got nobody to talk to until i pass out they in the car and he calm and shit, i end up falling asleep and not even waking up til like 9:30 something and i gotta be at school by 9:55, i usually leave 9:20 to get a good upfront park. so i skipp that class and i go to my second one but don't even go. i walk pass the room and see him in there and a empty class basically so i don't even bother going in. i sit in the car and play on my phone the wholeee time. i finally leave and the class over, and i dip get home and try to relax for a while but my nephew botherin me. i basically had him ALL day and he drove me crazy, i smoked atleast 3 blacks today which is HORRIBLE for me. i need to quit smoking. and that wraps it up i think. watched american gangster early, finally got in touch with brittany and i hadn't talk to her ass in 21342 years but i'm done bloggin now. let em focus on my movie and relax. - hawluh!

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December 2, 2008 @ 8:49 PM
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i'm laying here, watchin' this transformers movie and shit... it's getting to the good parts and shit but i think i'm a pause it to go smoke a black or something. i was going to delete my blogspot but i felt like if i did it would be wayy too much work you know ? - i went, and ended up do more shit... but now i'm back to write a little more before i close my laptop. uhh, fuck shanae idkwhy she be acting like she too good for niggahs... knowing damn well she JUST aight. let me leave her alone in other news tianna just hung up on me. called, sat and talked to me for like 5 second then hung up. oh well, i wrote about my research paper earlier butttt i still haven't started it and i don't plan on doing it until 12 or 1:00am yenno ? I need to go buy me a pack of lighters and keep them shits hidden from these niggahs cause they keep stealin mine. i had a red one, a blue one and now i can't find 'em. what kind've bullshit is that ?

my nose is running, this cold is still bothering me from like 2 to 3 weeks ago but i'm getting over it slowly but i'm still getting over it so that's all that matters. my nephew been walking back and forth whine'n and i know he's sleepy but i don't want to put him to sleep so quick cause he'll be tossing and turning and my sister is pregnant and she's easily to get mad so if she don't get her sleep she will be up angry and cussing and walking back and forth and all that gay shit. let me get to this movie though even though i've seen it twice, well once. but yeah i'll blog later. - hawluh!

lol@tyrese "man... if you seen this shit"
need another movie with him in it, that niggah can act his ass off regardless if he tries too hard and can't make albums. last album sucked badly... wdf am i till typing.

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@ 3:55 PM
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so longgg, bitch you did me soo wrong

the song i got up is STILL stuck in my head, that's sad. I'm tired from today, went to school came home and had to leave again. I guess i'll start on my report tonight, write something up and might even skip class tomorrow idk yet but i'm going to bullshit around and be up 12 something writing a rough draft i just know cause i'm that lazy and i don't care like that so that will end up happening & i failed the two quizes... i already know oh WELL. fuck math, idc about math anyway. i'm about to go back lookin for something do on this piece of shit since sister left with the car

oh yeah, i got my ass dragged in 2k9 last night. THREE TIMES, first spurs THEN new york knicks. like these teams don't even matter and they killing me. that's a damn shame. atleast i got a game where i'm having trouble so it won't be TOO easy and i just get tired of winning but if i ain't winning i get mad caue i'm losing. oh well, BYE

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