"I ain't as crazy as I seem to be,
it's just that nothin' is the way that is seem's to me.
Im feelin' less then, druggin' him up with anti-depressants,
In essence im threatenin my character assessment
Truth told, I figure a few hoe's
mixed with some new clothes should cover my loop holes.
If I'm misunderstood or mis-guided,
started when they passed the L' said 'just try it' "
- Joe Budden, Angel in my Life
Information
My name is Jarell & I'm a drug addict. I'd rather be alone, rather then surrounded by familiar strangers. I listen to wayy too much R&B & i hate you all.
so right now, it's almost 12. i got school in the AM so i make sure i'll be sleep before 3 or 4... either or don't matter to me as long as i have more then 4 hours of sleep for school tomorrow. IF NOT i will be falling asleep in them classes which shouldn't last as long being that its like the week before the last week. I got not even 7 days left. I got 6 days left of school and that 6th day i might not even come so i'm good & shit. fuck this, i need to sell my books ASAP, i'm walkin round here planning on the money i'm a get i might be stuck with them all. my mom is wake which means she'll be telling me to go to sleep so. but yeah, let me play this game and take a shit before i lay down and text a whole bunch of useless motherfuckers just to annoy them.
fuck this internet shit, i erased my CS page and was thinkin about delete'n my Myspace but i don't feel like all that trouble so it'll stay up. fuck all you readin this and the ones that DIDNT read it. and the ones that skimmed when it's like 2 sentences that are baically the same jibba jabber bullshit about the same shit i blog/whine about every other fuckin day so you read one day you won't have to read the next you'll already know what i'm typing about. school, how i hate the internet, how i'm depressed when the next minute i'm a good mood. IDK i just know i want you all to fuck off
I hope you cant sleep and you dream about it & when you dream I hope you cant sleep and you scream about it I hope your conscience eats at you and you cant breathe without me
" In the street I stand, wit' my heat in hand For what reason, I don't remember beefin'. "
I got a headache, well a minor one. I've been gettin them alot latley, idk where they're coming from but it's annoying. It's prolly cause i'm part sick but the nyquil knocked SOME of the cold outtah me but it didn't do much, i might need some mucinex or w/e it's called & wdf my S button keep acting up. I gotta keep going back cause the s never comes up, that's really really annoying. but oh well it should stop sooner or later. I jut finished playin a quick season of 2k9 on ps3... fck a 360 i want a ps3 even though it cost like 400, oh well. I might sell the xbox and the controllers and try to get one cause i'm really loving my brothers. I might steal his shit unless i go get a 2k9 on xbox. idk, this thanksgivin wa great though. not the food... SOME of the food and shit but like just to be around fam was cool to me, and to have brother here and shit was cool so yeah, and if troy come down i'll be able to record something before he leave and brother will be right back down here.
" Note to self on my hand: Get even, I don't remember needin' re-venge. Now anybody comin' toward me, I'm reachin' "
this internet thing is so boring nowadays, i remember getting on and being on for a whileee just in conferences with wan, jeanri and all them other hos or just sittin here and chattin with 'em and laughin... shit use to be poppin now all i do is talk to broads on and off and i barley do that anymore cause most of em text me so wtf i need yahoo, and CS for ? this shit i like mad pointless. just know that sooner or later i will be getting rid of all this shit and a niggah will be on mobile 24/7, might not even be on mobile and just say fuck this online shit and hop on to check hiphop sites get some downloads in and blog once or twice then hop off and play the game or go out and bullshit around. which theres nothing to do in sumter so i'll mostly try to get up to rockhill and go to charlotte. i might go to wintrop knowing its 20 mins from charlotte and shit.
today, was mostly like yesterday. it rained all night and woke up to rain. howd i know it was raining without moving, i could hear it on the AC. can't really hear it on the roof cause motherfuckers keep tv's on in this house all loud for no reason. Jj bitch ass left for pampers three hours ago and still hasn't came back. niggah can lieee, he took my fuckin black to like i bought it for him to take it & ride around sumter with... motherfuckers be on that other shit. i'm a go cook though, brother gone burn something up, he focused on this madden game he's losing. HA niggah, shouldn't brag with that whack as team. nah, he was doing aight latley... had a 11 win streak but i think he bout to fuck it up - hawluh!
" Did I outgrow me or shit jus' didn't stick ? " - today was boring, nothing special happened really. didn't have to go to school so that was the good thing about the day... yenno ? tried to watch a movie with my people but the movie was some bullshit. corny shit, speakin in a different language in all... so we took it out and went on with our way. celtics are losing right now.. i'm highly upset with these niggahs puttin them lame niggahs in and shit like we was dragging warriors. but yeah, in other news... i'm craving a black&mild right now and shit. my sister is too. tianna called me, textin in my ear and all that good shit so i hung up on her since they we're so important - fuck is wrong with her ? nah she's cool. i just did that cause i don't like people textin in my ear even though i do it to some people but not her.
celtics - 59 : warriors - 70
i think i'll go to sleep/bed early tonight, i need some rest for tomorrow. i'm a do alot of shit this week... i WANT to go get this game nba live but i don't even know if my brother gone leave his 360 here even though he has the ps3. it don't matter, i'll spend that money i got on something else. i've been bloggin too long, i have over 100 blogs and there all bullshit blogs. i mean i sometimes talk about something but it don't be important shit and long writtings of interesting shit that niggahs'll be all up to the computer to read. why ? ckuz i don't like revealing shit like that, even though i enjoy ventin i'll keep that for another time or something. wait til' i'm depressed or something.. i MIGHT blog but when am i ever really depressed ? basically when i listen to some down music and think about shit and be on my emo shit ( i don't really be emo, but you get me ) let me go text this trick now. she's prolly mad - hawluh!
i don't feel like being bothered today, idk why i feel this way. i'm just in a down mood now, it just hit me out of no where. my text messages are acting gay and shit, my moms bothering me about going to walmart to take this bed back and shit at 8. so i got a hour to relax and then i'll have to get my black ass up which is what i don't want to do. time to watch a movie or something. ya'll niggahs need to chill with all the phone calls. hawluh
" hi haters, i'm sorry for the hiatus... you know i stay up in pussy like vibrators. " - finally this joe & game track drop, nothing special or you know something to go crazy over but the song is decent. game bout to drop a video soon also, the lil shit with ne-yo so this needs to drop and that needs to drop & game'll be back out there on the market or whatever you want to call it. brother in town, i'm thinkin bout going up to DE with him when he leave but then again christmas is coming i think i'll stay here and then leave before next semester start yenno ? but yeah, nephew afraid of him, he bought his p23... i will be up all night playin that shit if he leaves it with me. i'm tired, i couldn't sleep at ALL.. i was laying on these cushions from outtah this chair just because the air bed went out and i got tired of it like i always do.
nae, don't be gay. you enjoy my blogs regardless if i'm just typin bout bullshit. i don't VENT cause i go too deep & ya'll niggahs ain't ready for my deep side. i'm like a poet when i vent niggah... nah i'm bullshittin but foreal! i do get deep son, that's just me though. today, i think i'll chill for a while then get up and go out somewhere jusst because it's sunday. just ride... ( i thought it was saturday ) but yeah, i got school monday & tuesday.. how whack right ? i think i'm a just walk in and out thougjh cause my teacher said something about confrences, i ain't stayin for that bullshit. i'm tired of writin, FUCKIN HAWLUH!
" i can change your life, if you let me... i can do it. " - So i basically did the house cleaning for moms, mainly because brother come home for holidays or whatever, and she told me to clean up. did my room, bathroom, living room, her room, her bathroom, i'm fuckin tired but i still gotta get up and drive her around the city to shop or whatever. that's gonna be hell, we're just waiting for my sister to get home. we'll leave, cash that check... go to all these side stores and save walmart for last. i hate going to walmart cause its always crowded and you always see people you know. that's annoying. idk why i always wake up, 5 or 6 in the morning and text tianna... or call her. it's like a habit now. everytime i fall asleep i jump up and call her. smh
" I'll treat you good, just a little... Kiss u on ur lips, the ones passed ur hips "
i gotta go check the scores for that suns game lastnight, i'm hopin lakers got that ass whopped but i know with kobe them niggahs pulled something incredible last night. pistons got DRAGGED by celtics. the green team, yenno ? nobody fuckin with celtics right now. wait til' the playoffs... THEY BETTER MAKE IT. i'm a get my jersey and all, these motherfuckers better make it. my arm's hurtin though, i'm layin in a uncomfortable position and i gotta jump up in 15 minutes to get dressed and i don't feel like getting up period. i just want to fall asleep right here. so yeahhh niggah i'll blog later or something like that, hawluh!
" i don't know what's real anymore " - so i'm sittin here, and the heat from this laptop is burning me but somehow i'm ignoring it for the time being. i don't have school tomorrow, which i'm happy about. i get tired of waking up having to go sit in a boring ass class and shit... i fuckin hate it plus i be feeling all sick, that's even worst. let me listen to this halo song by beyonce, tianna says she put it as my ringtone. knowing she hates me right now, the song might be another "ireplaceable" joints. nah, idk... i fuck with beyonce but then agian i don't. she can sing, and her songs are straight but i just can't fuck with her like that. i'd rather bump diamond ( i mean jazmine sulivian. )
happy birthday kaila... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What happens when you marry an $82 million hip-hop brand and an $80 million R&B empire? You get Hollywood's best-paid power couple. Will & Jada came second - OWWW
i'm a go listen to this song now, i hate broads actin all out of character though. i need to start being rude to these lil hos and get 'em in check so they'll watch what the fuck they say to me. yenno ? let me go, moms being annoying about bringin her pampers and shit. fuckin annoying, that niggah piss every ten seconds. let his slow ass walk around rank if he won't go to the potty, HE NEED TO LEARN YENNO ? but yeah, she keeps repeatin herself but now i'm back to type more, listenin to this halo song by beyonce, i don't listen to broad music but i'm a r&b addict, and regardless who's singin it i'll like it if it sounds good yenno ? so to stray away from seemin homoish, i don't fuck with broad music & this ho tianna got me listenin to beyonce. but it's cool, i'll download the cd tonight - DONT JUDGE ME! i'll blog later tonight if i'm still awake to blog or tomorrow morning or something. HAWLUH!
" if you leave, then i'll leave - i'll let it go " - disregard those last two blogs, i wrote them shits in a hurry. specially the one before this one. i was in class waitin for the teacher and she happen to come in just a lil too early and catch me on the internet "erin, get off myspace" class was madd boring though, we sat and went over the easy ass test i got 73/75 points on it, but didnt do the 25 questions so i didn't get the whole 100 or whatever. then we answered some questions and got to leave whenever we was done with that.. math class was the same, sorta. we just went over another chapter and i really feel that class is useless, i could just buy the book and teach my self... he ain't no help, niggah be readin out the book how retarded. he kinda helps out when the book don't be explaining enough.
got homee, and relaxed then went and checked the mail & stuff. today was mad weird, idk. i was driving all crazy and shit, i'm a kill myself one of these days on the road. i need to stop drivin all fool. kids was walkin home in the neighborhood today, i got soo mad these lil niggahs walkin behind my car. i'm walkin and they standin behind me chattin and playin around. i shoulda ran 'em over. tianna's actin weird, idk... never been in this situation to know how to handle it. i'm just tryna get it back to how it was, and how comfortable i was... now everything's all whack and i feel akward, i don't like that feeling. something needs to happen ASAP! i don't even like puttin my bidness out there so i won't even talk about it anymore. but yeahh, all i did today was ignore the teacher and write songs like i always do. which is gone be the main reason i have to take these same classes later in the years.
i gotta register for my classes and get my finacial aid shit right. lmao @ my pops sendin ME money on my SISTERS birthday. like, this niggah is cheap as fuck, he sent us 50 dollars to split up and he wrote a list that reads " erin - 30 nikki - 15 lil jay - 5 " this niggah is slow, i'm ashamed to call him my father. fuck him though, him and that bald head broad he fuckin'. niggah has NO taste. my brother pose to be coming home this weekend, and it pose to be a suprise but my big ass mouth fucked that up being that i was so happy knowing something THEY didn't know i hinted around and they guessed. FUCK THEM! owwww, let me dip now and watch this movie. i been puttin it to the side for 2 nights... shit and i barley got school now, ckuz all i got is monday and tuesday which might be walk in and walk out classes. then i got a whole weekend of me bullshittin around i need to stop fallin asleep earlier. let me shut up and I FUCKIN HATE YOU SHANAE. idk why, i just do.
" i give you my all, but it seems like that's not enough " - i'm in class right now, so fuck bloggin'. i didn't get to comeback & blog cause them motherfuckers had me in walmart all night... but i promise i won't forget this time. plus my internet at home is being gay, i couldn't get on the internet at all lastnight.. and i got mad and just went to sleep. i guessss.
oh yeahhh, yesterday i seen this baddd broad in walmart, but i was in line up at the counter they passed by and i happened to glance back a lil or whatever, i just say she was bad cause she was lightskinned, i didn't really see her face. i'll eb back though - hawluh!
i'll blog in a minute, i got to go to walmart & pick up my medicine. i got some infection from the surgery they did with the pulling teeth joint, so now i gotta take antibiotics... i'm allergic to penicillin so idk what they're giving me. AND i gotta find something to put over my hair ckuz like always it's kind've wet and it's fuckin 27 degree outside AND the wind is blowing AINT THAT SOME SHIT ? i said i love the cold but fuck this, i'm too easy to get sick. I can't be sick all winter, and nae... idk how to do that comment shit with this layout. you'll be aight, i don't be feeling like readin the comments anyway. i'll argue with you through your lame ass comments.
i'll be back, if ya'll come to my blog before i acutally get to blog. HAWLUH!
" i'm so easily sidetracked " - so i just wet my hair, not on purpose... it happens everytime i'm in the shower. oh well ? i know if i keep it up i'll get sicker and sicker yenno ? so i guess i'm a just stop wettin my hair. my teeth are hurtin right now, like always... i guess i'll justdeal with it until wed. which is basically tomorrow... damn i'm slow. i gotta wash my teeth and rinse and all that good shit just so the doctor won't know i've been smokin latley, even though he said after a week i could... but still i told him i didn't smoke. spongebob is on, about to watch tropic thunder, it tried to last night and couldnt stay wake & my neck was hurtin. tianna bitch ass hung up on me cause i told her i was still smokin... what a faggot right ?
today, was boring. had a test, went though it then in math he taught us the next chapter which ddidn't really look complicated just alot of thinkin and alot of work or what not. i'm with it, i'm a do the homework tonight, get on my job make sure i pass that bullshit of a class and i dont even think i NEED math 110, but if i do i'll be aight. my mouth taste like nyquil even after i had some water after it. i'll be aight, the taste should go away sooner or later. this niggah BARS let me hear some beats today, he selling em for 30.. niggah i can STEAL your beats. but yeah, keshia and her nice round ass walked by while we was chillin. it was maddd cold. lmao@her climbin through the passenger side to the driver side. wooww. i would be so ashamed to do that shit in public and then actually talk about it and class and laugh - priceless. my nose is runnin and my neck is hurtin... shit was hurtin alll day since this morning. i need to relax - hawluh!
" i got a feelin that they all the same. " - my tooth hurts, i think it's from smokin that black&mild... oh well it should go away sooner or later... if not i'll be alright, i can't ALWAYS complain yenno ? so like, my day has been fine so far... didn't really ignore the world as i inteneded but atleast i got my point across that i didn't really wanted to be bothered & of course i wasn't. i'm still watchin the same movie from last night, crazy i know.. but it's a long ass movie & for some reason i keep pausin the damn thing to do other shit and never resume. i'm a get back to it after this blog just because i know i won't do anything else. i need to burn a new movie & erasin the ones i've already burnt just to clear out the space on my laptop - 200 GB ( i think ) wasn't enough to satisfy my black ass.
so in my affilates section, i added brooke & the ho nae only to make the list longer and because i off and on read there shits. so the stars is mostly for the blogs i go to daily or everytime i log on, the others are the blogs i hit up every now & then and skim through there shit just to be on the nosey side ya dig ? tianna hit me up like... once today, i see. that's cool though, it's whatever. i'm suprised i only missed like 2 days in one of my classes... that's like so crazy to me. i could've sworn i missed more but i won't say shittt. that's math, idk about my others. hopfully some where round 2 or 3, cause i can miss 7 days. I'll be missing a few in the future so yeah... got to go back and forth with moms to columbia for her chemo sessions and those shits are so boring. sit up there for atleast 6 hours, sometimes i'm in the back w/ her or i'm in the waitin room messing round with my laptop. it's too long to be sittin still... but i'm a go now - hawluh!
so i basically spent almost 2 hours workin on this piece of shit, just because i felt like changin' it. i mean i didn't want to, but i already knew it was round the time i needed to change, this won't stay for too long... well it may but i mean i might change it up a lil or someshit. i been up since 3, i woke up for no reason at all... looked at my phone & seen it was dead, charged it... jumped up, got some water and grabbed my starburst and sat here and did a bunch of shit i ment to do before falling asleep. my dvd was finished, so i watched that to make sure it was actually done & not fucked up. now i'm burning a second dvd, i'll wake up and toss another in there. but for now... i'm a get my drink, lay here and watch a movie and ignore the world for the rest of the day.
it's a possibility i'll come back and blog like i seem to never do, but i'm saying... maybe i feel like how i feel now and just blog. i don't vent as much, cause i don't be on the edge anymore... well let me not talk too soon. i mean, i vent when i'm on the road to depression or when somethings going on and i don't really like talkin to people that'll have negative comments about it or whatever. i just feel like i can say anything here and not worry about the reaction. for this whole sunday, i'm blankin my thoughts. just leaving all the stressful, bullshit, annoying ass people & shady motherfuckers out of my thoughts. if they happen to sneak in my head, i'll smoke 'em out ( i hope my black & mild still be in the bathroom ). but for now, i'm a relax until i fall asleep.
it's 4:30, and i'm sittin here watchin Dennis The Menace or whatever this is called, this movie is mad old or whatever. I'm sittin and watchin how dumb this old man is, i know it's just a movie but still, how dumb can you be... i know he's old and don't understand but come on yenno ? i'm writin cause my phone died and its chargin now. I knew i should've just charged while i used it. but back to this movie man, i might fall asleep, might now. but my computer got 10GB left, and i'm steadyin downloadin shits of movies. what is my problem ? i need to burn all these movies already, Burn this movie tonight, download some more tonight then burn 'em all tomorrow...
i'm gone though, i'll be back to blog prolly in 5 minutes just cause i won't like how this blog makes my shit look. i refuse to change my layout thingy, too much work lookin for a brand new layout then gettin it stright with the colors. why always change ? idk, don't see the point.
thank you very much, i slept through it all... why couldn't i sleep through the storm. for those that don't know, me & storms don't really mix too well. that's like my only weakness besides tianna and my tooth. i think i fucked up by smokin, i think i should listen to tianna and just stop for good. idk why i'm being hardheaded, maybe the same reason she decides not to answer my calls. i know she ain't sleep and thats gettin on my nerves. i'm a watch the weather all night, until i can actually fall asleep and the ONE PERSON that would've help me get it off my mind is not answerin my damn calls, ain't that some shit ? but whatever, my tooth hurts and shit.. i got headaches coming and going. My sister's in the hospital, she was omitted aww... she said she felt pressure. THAT means she wont be able to work WHICH means i don't get my money like i should. DAMN i gotta get that before jay jay leave in the AM. Sht i need my money dawg, i think i'm going to buy 2k9 JUST so i can drag niggahs in it. but let me go
time to call tianna a million times, you think i won't ? i don't feel like talkin to none of these other birds tonight. yenno ? i'm used to hearin her voice and closing my eyes now, any other voice will only make me uncomfortable. idkwhat is wrong with her, she cryin in her blogs about her moms and the lip ring being gay. NIGGAH NO MATTER WHAT SIDE IT IS ON, IF YOU A DUDE WITH A LIP RING YOU GAY. that goes to wayne and all his followers. and btw Jeezy album was the best album this year... hands dwn
" there apart of the list, things that i miss... "
Regardless, MJ still and will remain the best in my eyes. Kobe is a cheap imitation of the great one, niggah that say he's better or any of that other bullshit ( like lewan or james jr ) can go eat a dick though
sometimes i feel like bloggin, then sometimes i feel like writing one line just to express how i feel/felt throughout the day but... too many feelings to express in one line so i'll just write a bunch of bullshit like everyone always do. complain my ass off, until my fingers tire out. nothing to really complain about though, just that i don't fuckin care about school & i'm already wantin to just stop going even though i know i won't. my teeth are still ache'n a bit, idk if it's suppose to feel like this or not but i'll find out in the AM when i go get checked up.
Happy birthday Sis, just incase I forgot to blog or write that tomorrow.... Time to watch some movies, listen to music, watch tv... some bullshit to keep me entertained until i get sleepy and pass out.
" i just want you to know, you're my favorite girl . . . "
my teeth are still kind've hurtin, but not as horrible yenoo ? i'm good now, but i'll make sure i complain when i got to the dentist. i wanted to skip school today & tomorrow but it seems like moms won't let me and i don't wanna upset her and shit so i'll just go to school or whatever so she won't get sick. her kemo's thursday, my sisters birthday is wed and i got to get check up then so yeah things should be cool and stuff. i'm watchin some bullshit on nick i'm about to turn from this channel though. tianna's ignore'n me & i think she's a dyke on DL... I KNOW THESE THINGS. i know a dyke when i see 'em, i've been with too many and stuff like that so how you gone fool rello ? school was boring, valesha keeps complaining about catchin my colds its her fault she sits by me and shit. english was annoying, motherfuckers sat and TALK like... that's boring as hell. I fall asleep while she runs her fuckin mouth. I can't wait til we hurry and write this report
but yeah, i blogged just to update this bullshit. i swear these motherfuckers can't act. i hate watchin shows where these niggahs actin is shitty. niggahs can't even fake laugh without lookin stupid. man let me turn this shit off... get me some pills & watch my movies. block myself from the world tonight. BLAME TIANNA, she's the reason i'm always emo or depressed... yes it's her. she's the fuckin reason! but oh well. PEACE
" she's gone be my vixen, my bed'll be her stage... "
the pain, has kept me up since 2:30... i swear this broad NEVER answers her phone or even responds to my texts but soon as i ignore hers or some shit she's sooo mad. lol, ok. my teeth hurt, cheeks, jaw and all that. its like my bottom lip and jaw and bottom teeth are still numb... that shit is the most aggarvatin, the most annoying thing that i already know won't go away or so they say. so it's almost 5:00 and i'm not even droozy, well i'm a bit sleep but i don't know about sleepy to the point i'll fall asleep as soon as i close my eyes. but other then that, i just been on CS&MS bored as fuck, msg'n random ass people. i'm a go back and CS and do some more of that after this
but when it hits 5:00 i'm a turn my tv on ( gotta find my remote ) lay here and watch some bullshit tv and if i get bored or whatever nothing's good on then i guess i'll just turn around and face the wall until i fall asleep. it doesn't always work but oh well.
i felt the need to blog here since im feelin the way that long blog shit is making my blog look.
if that sentence even made sense.
the ugly bitch in front me is probably wondering why i keep glancing at her , shes not very appealing her eye makeup is just bothering me. she is too dark to be wearing baby blue eye shadow , and she has a bad weaveee. i dont mean to be mean i just dont like for people to "not look right" , on a normal day i would walk up to her and ask who did her hair and say that it was cute all that blazay blazay , but today i might lash off and tell her the truth , im not prepared for her response because im bleeding so ill just keep my thoughts to myself.
in the mean time ... jarell can finish this blog or whatever.
" i must got a angel, ckuz look how death miss his ass - unbreakable! "
yeah, idk why she wrote on my blog. i don't mind though. for the most part i'm in pain but i can endure alot so that's what i've done all day, was yellin and hittin walls earlier when it hurt to swallow my spit which turned out to be clots of blood that wouldn't stop drippin on my mouth. i'm good now, i can actually eat but it hurts like fuckin hell. i would've rather go to school then went through that bullshit. and i kind've sorta felt like i was awake during the surgery but i remember trying to wake up, lookin at that window above the room and them telling me i can get up now. taking the lil tubes out my arm and nose and shit. i'm too stubborn to have them walk me out the door so i basically tried to pull away and walk myself but they wouldn't let go of me. i ended up walking to the house by myself, just wanted to see if i could do it... i felt like i could. i wasn't THAT dizzy.
so, i'll be out for 3 days, meaning i'll be sick & shut in for 3 days. can't go no where, can't, barely can talk... barley can even walk alot.. but oh well i'll be aight. umm, they gave me all these rules. keep a ice pack on it, rinse with salt water after brushing, never lay flat down, don't spit out the blood clots it'll hurt... WHICH i did before even reading any such paper. and i actually was in so much pain when i got home... i don't feel that much better... just it isn't that mild now, it's like just a lil bit of pain when i move my mouth alot or try to eat. not much when i talk unless when i have to open my mouth allll the way but let me stop complaining. i'm so dead at these niggahs though, i don't care how bad a bitch is... jealousy & envy would never force me to stoop that low. I have too much pride to do some bullshit like that, regardless. But all in all, it seems like female shit to me. i don't ENTERTAIN IT!
on some other bullshit, i know for a fact i'll be in SC for a while well until moms get better and be able to go to work and all that good shit. i'm nervous to see how she pull out of that kemo, she got 3 doctor appointments next week.. i WILL be missing school tuesday and thursday.. i'll go tuesday and wed ( sister's brithday & doctor check up day ) her kemo's thursday, i def don't care if they drop me outtah that class... I HAVE to go to columbia with her regardless of school. I got next semseter to do it over .theres no second chance w/ life
" only once the drugs are done - then i feel like dyinnn "
my eyes love to twitch and shit, i get annoyed by it sometimes unless it brings any good on my day which rarely happens. today moved madd slow, but it was decent & i'm pleased for my last day of school prolly for good. i swear, i know i'm about to miss atleast 7 days, shit... i'm a be out tomorrow then basically almost all week besides monday and weds just like this week. that's crazy, i might as well drop them 2 math classes, ain't like i'm failing in them... there too easy for me to be making horrible grades. but yeah, enough about school i'm tired of it. so i watched nephew today, for the last time until monday ckuz i'm a be out of it for them 3 days after my mouth surgery, i ain't really nervous just curious about that sleeping medicine. will it put my right to sleep ? who knowwss
smh @ this show, i don't know why i'm soooo hooked to this show now. home improvement, shit is crack to me. i'm bout to watch some dragon ball z after i write this blog and listen to this song 2121 times then see about this miguel mixtape i was suppose to be downloading and shit. i think i'm a go to sleep watchin these shits like last night, but i can't drink or none of that shit after 12... so i need to get my drink on and eat on before 12 hit, owww. i think i'll stop bloggin now. ya'll don't deserve a long blog. well whoever reads this shit nowadays, i can't lie i wouldn't care if noone read em ckuz i barley read theres... i'd prolly skim just to be nosey see if any drama happened latley but yeah. so i'm gonneee
I decided not to vote today, not to be ignorant or whatever.. but just because i don't agree with either presidential candidate seclection. I don't want either one in office, so i won't vote for either. ( 'just to be different' ) so i haven't really slept, well i have but it ain't like i got the rest i needed. i fell asleep talkin to tianna well i doubt we were talkin but i know i was saying something to her before i dozed off. woke up and her phone was still on, as well as mine. & went back to sleep... i have no school today and i really don't care. i'll need a doctor excuse for class if we have a test. i think after this, i'll send them a email on the schools website just to be safe yenno ? let them know what's going on thursday and i will be out for 3 days, i already know i'll be fucked up after they pull them teeth thursday. that's going to be HELL even though i'll be knocked the fuck out off them drugs.
So yesterday, i dk what was wrong with me. I actually wrote a whole page of just rhymes back and front. ventin' on paper, that wasn't the first i've done it...just the first time i've actually keep it together. I mean i don't usually write songs and it makes sense or stays on topic. I usually jump around subjects aiming at one thing in one line, then talkin about a whole other subject in the nexxt lines. idk, the more i write the better i get. the better i get, the more determined.. the more i want to record and being that the studio is now somewhere in a dorm up north i'm stuck with a pen and a paper... i mean i COULD record on the cpu but it wouldn't sound as professional & i'm a professional.
why am i writtin so much ? no idea, just feel like it & even if no one decides to reads this atleast i got the enjoyment of talkin to self ( self always understands ). i don't care how i may appear to others, if i choose not to vote then leave me be. that's a personal decision, don't care about how ya'll may feel, what difference will we see ? more like we'll be in a state of emergency. back to the KKK days. niggahs really don't think about how crazy human beings are now. Do you really think people give two fucks about change ? health care ? niggah, yeah ok. as you already see, they don't want him in office and not because of his plans for the future but ckuz of his race. why am i even typing about it... not like it matters anymore. tianna's asleep, i'm awake and uncomfortable in many ways and my stomach ache's from smoking a black so early in the morning.
i think it's time to end this blog and be on my way, go surf the web or something just because i'm so wide awake and everybody else complaining about sleep or on some tianna shit and waking up for like 30 minutes then going right back to sleep. who does that, i wish it was still dark so i could atleast try and sleep some more. i think after this blog i'll try to sleep atleast 30 minutes, i don't care how long i sleep but i just want some more sleep so i won't come home after going to the voting place and fall out like i feel i will IF some white folks don't blow the polls up or some shit. snipers on roofs and shit. But i'm a try to sleep... fuck surfin the web.
" take, these broken wings.. & learn to fly again "
so right now, it's almost 12. i got school in the AM so i make sure i'll be sleep before 3 or 4... either or don't matter to me as long as i have more then 4 hours of sleep for school tomorrow. IF NOT i will be falling asleep in them classes which shouldn't last as long being that its like the week before the last week. I got not even 7 days left. I got 6 days left of school and that 6th day i might not even come so i'm good & shit. fuck this, i need to sell my books ASAP, i'm walkin round here planning on the money i'm a get i might be stuck with them all. my mom is wake which means she'll be telling me to go to sleep so. but yeah, let me play this game and take a shit before i lay down and text a whole bunch of useless motherfuckers just to annoy them.
fuck this internet shit, i erased my CS page and was thinkin about delete'n my Myspace but i don't feel like all that trouble so it'll stay up. fuck all you readin this and the ones that DIDNT read it. and the ones that skimmed when it's like 2 sentences that are baically the same jibba jabber bullshit about the same shit i blog/whine about every other fuckin day so you read one day you won't have to read the next you'll already know what i'm typing about. school, how i hate the internet, how i'm depressed when the next minute i'm a good mood. IDK i just know i want you all to fuck off
i'm gone, go get your bleed on. hawluh
@ 8:57 PM
.
I hope you cant sleep and you dream about it & when you dream I hope you cant sleep and you scream about it I hope your conscience eats at you and you cant breathe without me
@ 7:13 PM
.
just give me 10 minutes, i just need 10 minutes alone. to not deal with a thing to not answer my phone...
let me smoke this black in peace.
@ 12:11 PM
calm down.
" In the street I stand, wit' my heat in hand For what reason, I don't remember beefin'. "
I got a headache, well a minor one. I've been gettin them alot latley, idk where they're coming from but it's annoying. It's prolly cause i'm part sick but the nyquil knocked SOME of the cold outtah me but it didn't do much, i might need some mucinex or w/e it's called & wdf my S button keep acting up. I gotta keep going back cause the s never comes up, that's really really annoying. but oh well it should stop sooner or later. I jut finished playin a quick season of 2k9 on ps3... fck a 360 i want a ps3 even though it cost like 400, oh well. I might sell the xbox and the controllers and try to get one cause i'm really loving my brothers. I might steal his shit unless i go get a 2k9 on xbox. idk, this thanksgivin wa great though. not the food... SOME of the food and shit but like just to be around fam was cool to me, and to have brother here and shit was cool so yeah, and if troy come down i'll be able to record something before he leave and brother will be right back down here.
" Note to self on my hand: Get even, I don't remember needin' re-venge. Now anybody comin' toward me, I'm reachin' "
this internet thing is so boring nowadays, i remember getting on and being on for a whileee just in conferences with wan, jeanri and all them other hos or just sittin here and chattin with 'em and laughin... shit use to be poppin now all i do is talk to broads on and off and i barley do that anymore cause most of em text me so wtf i need yahoo, and CS for ? this shit i like mad pointless. just know that sooner or later i will be getting rid of all this shit and a niggah will be on mobile 24/7, might not even be on mobile and just say fuck this online shit and hop on to check hiphop sites get some downloads in and blog once or twice then hop off and play the game or go out and bullshit around. which theres nothing to do in sumter so i'll mostly try to get up to rockhill and go to charlotte. i might go to wintrop knowing its 20 mins from charlotte and shit.
today, was mostly like yesterday. it rained all night and woke up to rain. howd i know it was raining without moving, i could hear it on the AC. can't really hear it on the roof cause motherfuckers keep tv's on in this house all loud for no reason. Jj bitch ass left for pampers three hours ago and still hasn't came back. niggah can lieee, he took my fuckin black to like i bought it for him to take it & ride around sumter with... motherfuckers be on that other shit. i'm a go cook though, brother gone burn something up, he focused on this madden game he's losing. HA niggah, shouldn't brag with that whack as team. nah, he was doing aight latley... had a 11 win streak but i think he bout to fuck it up - hawluh!
November 26, 2008 @ 8:56 PM
thin line.
" Did I outgrow me or shit jus' didn't stick ? " - today was boring, nothing special happened really. didn't have to go to school so that was the good thing about the day... yenno ? tried to watch a movie with my people but the movie was some bullshit. corny shit, speakin in a different language in all... so we took it out and went on with our way. celtics are losing right now.. i'm highly upset with these niggahs puttin them lame niggahs in and shit like we was dragging warriors. but yeah, in other news... i'm craving a black&mild right now and shit. my sister is too. tianna called me, textin in my ear and all that good shit so i hung up on her since they we're so important - fuck is wrong with her ? nah she's cool. i just did that cause i don't like people textin in my ear even though i do it to some people but not her.
celtics - 59 : warriors - 70
i think i'll go to sleep/bed early tonight, i need some rest for tomorrow. i'm a do alot of shit this week... i WANT to go get this game nba live but i don't even know if my brother gone leave his 360 here even though he has the ps3. it don't matter, i'll spend that money i got on something else. i've been bloggin too long, i have over 100 blogs and there all bullshit blogs. i mean i sometimes talk about something but it don't be important shit and long writtings of interesting shit that niggahs'll be all up to the computer to read. why ? ckuz i don't like revealing shit like that, even though i enjoy ventin i'll keep that for another time or something. wait til' i'm depressed or something.. i MIGHT blog but when am i ever really depressed ? basically when i listen to some down music and think about shit and be on my emo shit ( i don't really be emo, but you get me ) let me go text this trick now. she's prolly mad - hawluh!
November 25, 2008 @ 7:52 PM
.
I don't want to go to bed, mad at you & I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
@ 6:52 PM
.
i'm not perfect, but i got a desire to improve.
i don't feel like being bothered today, idk why i feel this way. i'm just in a down mood now, it just hit me out of no where. my text messages are acting gay and shit, my moms bothering me about going to walmart to take this bed back and shit at 8. so i got a hour to relax and then i'll have to get my black ass up which is what i don't want to do. time to watch a movie or something. ya'll niggahs need to chill with all the phone calls. hawluh
November 23, 2008 @ 12:00 PM
.
" hi haters, i'm sorry for the hiatus... you know i stay up in pussy like vibrators. " - finally this joe & game track drop, nothing special or you know something to go crazy over but the song is decent. game bout to drop a video soon also, the lil shit with ne-yo so this needs to drop and that needs to drop & game'll be back out there on the market or whatever you want to call it. brother in town, i'm thinkin bout going up to DE with him when he leave but then again christmas is coming i think i'll stay here and then leave before next semester start yenno ? but yeah, nephew afraid of him, he bought his p23... i will be up all night playin that shit if he leaves it with me. i'm tired, i couldn't sleep at ALL.. i was laying on these cushions from outtah this chair just because the air bed went out and i got tired of it like i always do.
nae, don't be gay. you enjoy my blogs regardless if i'm just typin bout bullshit. i don't VENT cause i go too deep & ya'll niggahs ain't ready for my deep side. i'm like a poet when i vent niggah... nah i'm bullshittin but foreal! i do get deep son, that's just me though. today, i think i'll chill for a while then get up and go out somewhere jusst because it's sunday. just ride... ( i thought it was saturday ) but yeah, i got school monday & tuesday.. how whack right ? i think i'm a just walk in and out thougjh cause my teacher said something about confrences, i ain't stayin for that bullshit. i'm tired of writin, FUCKIN HAWLUH!
November 21, 2008 @ 1:50 PM
i can change your life.
" i can change your life, if you let me... i can do it. " - So i basically did the house cleaning for moms, mainly because brother come home for holidays or whatever, and she told me to clean up. did my room, bathroom, living room, her room, her bathroom, i'm fuckin tired but i still gotta get up and drive her around the city to shop or whatever. that's gonna be hell, we're just waiting for my sister to get home. we'll leave, cash that check... go to all these side stores and save walmart for last. i hate going to walmart cause its always crowded and you always see people you know. that's annoying. idk why i always wake up, 5 or 6 in the morning and text tianna... or call her. it's like a habit now. everytime i fall asleep i jump up and call her. smh
" I'll treat you good, just a little... Kiss u on ur lips, the ones passed ur hips "
i gotta go check the scores for that suns game lastnight, i'm hopin lakers got that ass whopped but i know with kobe them niggahs pulled something incredible last night. pistons got DRAGGED by celtics. the green team, yenno ? nobody fuckin with celtics right now. wait til' the playoffs... THEY BETTER MAKE IT. i'm a get my jersey and all, these motherfuckers better make it. my arm's hurtin though, i'm layin in a uncomfortable position and i gotta jump up in 15 minutes to get dressed and i don't feel like getting up period. i just want to fall asleep right here. so yeahhh niggah i'll blog later or something like that, hawluh!
November 20, 2008 @ 5:42 PM
she can see my halo.
" i don't know what's real anymore " - so i'm sittin here, and the heat from this laptop is burning me but somehow i'm ignoring it for the time being. i don't have school tomorrow, which i'm happy about. i get tired of waking up having to go sit in a boring ass class and shit... i fuckin hate it plus i be feeling all sick, that's even worst. let me listen to this halo song by beyonce, tianna says she put it as my ringtone. knowing she hates me right now, the song might be another "ireplaceable" joints. nah, idk... i fuck with beyonce but then agian i don't. she can sing, and her songs are straight but i just can't fuck with her like that. i'd rather bump diamond ( i mean jazmine sulivian. )
happy birthday kaila... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What happens when you marry an $82 million hip-hop brand and an $80 million R&B empire? You get Hollywood's best-paid power couple. Will & Jada came second - OWWW
i'm a go listen to this song now, i hate broads actin all out of character though. i need to start being rude to these lil hos and get 'em in check so they'll watch what the fuck they say to me. yenno ? let me go, moms being annoying about bringin her pampers and shit. fuckin annoying, that niggah piss every ten seconds. let his slow ass walk around rank if he won't go to the potty, HE NEED TO LEARN YENNO ? but yeah, she keeps repeatin herself but now i'm back to type more, listenin to this halo song by beyonce, i don't listen to broad music but i'm a r&b addict, and regardless who's singin it i'll like it if it sounds good yenno ? so to stray away from seemin homoish, i don't fuck with broad music & this ho tianna got me listenin to beyonce. but it's cool, i'll download the cd tonight - DONT JUDGE ME! i'll blog later tonight if i'm still awake to blog or tomorrow morning or something. HAWLUH!
@ 3:41 PM
.
" if you leave, then i'll leave - i'll let it go " - disregard those last two blogs, i wrote them shits in a hurry. specially the one before this one. i was in class waitin for the teacher and she happen to come in just a lil too early and catch me on the internet "erin, get off myspace" class was madd boring though, we sat and went over the easy ass test i got 73/75 points on it, but didnt do the 25 questions so i didn't get the whole 100 or whatever. then we answered some questions and got to leave whenever we was done with that.. math class was the same, sorta. we just went over another chapter and i really feel that class is useless, i could just buy the book and teach my self... he ain't no help, niggah be readin out the book how retarded. he kinda helps out when the book don't be explaining enough.
got homee, and relaxed then went and checked the mail & stuff. today was mad weird, idk. i was driving all crazy and shit, i'm a kill myself one of these days on the road. i need to stop drivin all fool. kids was walkin home in the neighborhood today, i got soo mad these lil niggahs walkin behind my car. i'm walkin and they standin behind me chattin and playin around. i shoulda ran 'em over. tianna's actin weird, idk... never been in this situation to know how to handle it. i'm just tryna get it back to how it was, and how comfortable i was... now everything's all whack and i feel akward, i don't like that feeling. something needs to happen ASAP! i don't even like puttin my bidness out there so i won't even talk about it anymore. but yeahh, all i did today was ignore the teacher and write songs like i always do. which is gone be the main reason i have to take these same classes later in the years.
i gotta register for my classes and get my finacial aid shit right. lmao @ my pops sendin ME money on my SISTERS birthday. like, this niggah is cheap as fuck, he sent us 50 dollars to split up and he wrote a list that reads " erin - 30 nikki - 15 lil jay - 5 " this niggah is slow, i'm ashamed to call him my father. fuck him though, him and that bald head broad he fuckin'. niggah has NO taste. my brother pose to be coming home this weekend, and it pose to be a suprise but my big ass mouth fucked that up being that i was so happy knowing something THEY didn't know i hinted around and they guessed. FUCK THEM! owwww, let me dip now and watch this movie. i been puttin it to the side for 2 nights... shit and i barley got school now, ckuz all i got is monday and tuesday which might be walk in and walk out classes. then i got a whole weekend of me bullshittin around i need to stop fallin asleep earlier. let me shut up and I FUCKIN HATE YOU SHANAE. idk why, i just do.
@ 9:52 AM
.
" i give you my all, but it seems like that's not enough " - i'm in class right now, so fuck bloggin'. i didn't get to comeback & blog cause them motherfuckers had me in walmart all night... but i promise i won't forget this time. plus my internet at home is being gay, i couldn't get on the internet at all lastnight.. and i got mad and just went to sleep. i guessss.
oh yeahhh, yesterday i seen this baddd broad in walmart, but i was in line up at the counter they passed by and i happened to glance back a lil or whatever, i just say she was bad cause she was lightskinned, i didn't really see her face. i'll eb back though - hawluh!
November 19, 2008 @ 3:45 PM
.
i'll blog in a minute, i got to go to walmart & pick up my medicine. i got some infection from the surgery they did with the pulling teeth joint, so now i gotta take antibiotics... i'm allergic to penicillin so idk what they're giving me. AND i gotta find something to put over my hair ckuz like always it's kind've wet and it's fuckin 27 degree outside AND the wind is blowing AINT THAT SOME SHIT ? i said i love the cold but fuck this, i'm too easy to get sick. I can't be sick all winter, and nae... idk how to do that comment shit with this layout. you'll be aight, i don't be feeling like readin the comments anyway. i'll argue with you through your lame ass comments.
i'll be back, if ya'll come to my blog before i acutally get to blog. HAWLUH!
November 18, 2008 @ 2:15 PM
.
" i'm so easily sidetracked " - so i just wet my hair, not on purpose... it happens everytime i'm in the shower. oh well ? i know if i keep it up i'll get sicker and sicker yenno ? so i guess i'm a just stop wettin my hair. my teeth are hurtin right now, like always... i guess i'll justdeal with it until wed. which is basically tomorrow... damn i'm slow. i gotta wash my teeth and rinse and all that good shit just so the doctor won't know i've been smokin latley, even though he said after a week i could... but still i told him i didn't smoke. spongebob is on, about to watch tropic thunder, it tried to last night and couldnt stay wake & my neck was hurtin. tianna bitch ass hung up on me cause i told her i was still smokin... what a faggot right ?
today, was boring. had a test, went though it then in math he taught us the next chapter which ddidn't really look complicated just alot of thinkin and alot of work or what not. i'm with it, i'm a do the homework tonight, get on my job make sure i pass that bullshit of a class and i dont even think i NEED math 110, but if i do i'll be aight. my mouth taste like nyquil even after i had some water after it. i'll be aight, the taste should go away sooner or later. this niggah BARS let me hear some beats today, he selling em for 30.. niggah i can STEAL your beats. but yeah, keshia and her nice round ass walked by while we was chillin. it was maddd cold. lmao@her climbin through the passenger side to the driver side. wooww. i would be so ashamed to do that shit in public and then actually talk about it and class and laugh - priceless. my nose is runnin and my neck is hurtin... shit was hurtin alll day since this morning. i need to relax - hawluh!
November 16, 2008 @ 6:25 PM
come winter.
" i got a feelin that they all the same. " - my tooth hurts, i think it's from smokin that black&mild... oh well it should go away sooner or later... if not i'll be alright, i can't ALWAYS complain yenno ? so like, my day has been fine so far... didn't really ignore the world as i inteneded but atleast i got my point across that i didn't really wanted to be bothered & of course i wasn't. i'm still watchin the same movie from last night, crazy i know.. but it's a long ass movie & for some reason i keep pausin the damn thing to do other shit and never resume. i'm a get back to it after this blog just because i know i won't do anything else. i need to burn a new movie & erasin the ones i've already burnt just to clear out the space on my laptop - 200 GB ( i think ) wasn't enough to satisfy my black ass.
so in my affilates section, i added brooke & the ho nae only to make the list longer and because i off and on read there shits. so the stars is mostly for the blogs i go to daily or everytime i log on, the others are the blogs i hit up every now & then and skim through there shit just to be on the nosey side ya dig ? tianna hit me up like... once today, i see. that's cool though, it's whatever. i'm suprised i only missed like 2 days in one of my classes... that's like so crazy to me. i could've sworn i missed more but i won't say shittt. that's math, idk about my others. hopfully some where round 2 or 3, cause i can miss 7 days. I'll be missing a few in the future so yeah... got to go back and forth with moms to columbia for her chemo sessions and those shits are so boring. sit up there for atleast 6 hours, sometimes i'm in the back w/ her or i'm in the waitin room messing round with my laptop. it's too long to be sittin still... but i'm a go now - hawluh!
@ 6:59 AM
halfcrazy.
so i basically spent almost 2 hours workin on this piece of shit, just because i felt like changin' it. i mean i didn't want to, but i already knew it was round the time i needed to change, this won't stay for too long... well it may but i mean i might change it up a lil or someshit. i been up since 3, i woke up for no reason at all... looked at my phone & seen it was dead, charged it... jumped up, got some water and grabbed my starburst and sat here and did a bunch of shit i ment to do before falling asleep. my dvd was finished, so i watched that to make sure it was actually done & not fucked up. now i'm burning a second dvd, i'll wake up and toss another in there. but for now... i'm a get my drink, lay here and watch a movie and ignore the world for the rest of the day.
it's a possibility i'll come back and blog like i seem to never do, but i'm saying... maybe i feel like how i feel now and just blog. i don't vent as much, cause i don't be on the edge anymore... well let me not talk too soon. i mean, i vent when i'm on the road to depression or when somethings going on and i don't really like talkin to people that'll have negative comments about it or whatever. i just feel like i can say anything here and not worry about the reaction. for this whole sunday, i'm blankin my thoughts. just leaving all the stressful, bullshit, annoying ass people & shady motherfuckers out of my thoughts. if they happen to sneak in my head, i'll smoke 'em out ( i hope my black & mild still be in the bathroom ). but for now, i'm a relax until i fall asleep.
@ 4:33 AM
bad karma.
maybe i'm in a relationship with bad karma would've pass the somber, maybe i attract drama
@ 4:27 AM
allnightlong.
" i'll do whatever it takes... "
it's 4:30, and i'm sittin here watchin Dennis The Menace or whatever this is called, this movie is mad old or whatever. I'm sittin and watchin how dumb this old man is, i know it's just a movie but still, how dumb can you be... i know he's old and don't understand but come on yenno ? i'm writin cause my phone died and its chargin now. I knew i should've just charged while i used it. but back to this movie man, i might fall asleep, might now. but my computer got 10GB left, and i'm steadyin downloadin shits of movies. what is my problem ? i need to burn all these movies already, Burn this movie tonight, download some more tonight then burn 'em all tomorrow...
i'm gone though, i'll be back to blog prolly in 5 minutes just cause i won't like how this blog makes my shit look. i refuse to change my layout thingy, too much work lookin for a brand new layout then gettin it stright with the colors. why always change ? idk, don't see the point.
November 15, 2008 @ 10:04 PM
everything.
your niggah ain't seeing me, i put that everything.
November 14, 2008 @ 11:48 PM
whatever motherfucker.
" i don't know you... "
thank you very much, i slept through it all... why couldn't i sleep through the storm. for those that don't know, me & storms don't really mix too well. that's like my only weakness besides tianna and my tooth. i think i fucked up by smokin, i think i should listen to tianna and just stop for good. idk why i'm being hardheaded, maybe the same reason she decides not to answer my calls. i know she ain't sleep and thats gettin on my nerves. i'm a watch the weather all night, until i can actually fall asleep and the ONE PERSON that would've help me get it off my mind is not answerin my damn calls, ain't that some shit ? but whatever, my tooth hurts and shit.. i got headaches coming and going. My sister's in the hospital, she was omitted aww... she said she felt pressure. THAT means she wont be able to work WHICH means i don't get my money like i should. DAMN i gotta get that before jay jay leave in the AM. Sht i need my money dawg, i think i'm going to buy 2k9 JUST so i can drag niggahs in it. but let me go
time to call tianna a million times, you think i won't ? i don't feel like talkin to none of these other birds tonight. yenno ? i'm used to hearin her voice and closing my eyes now, any other voice will only make me uncomfortable. idkwhat is wrong with her, she cryin in her blogs about her moms and the lip ring being gay. NIGGAH NO MATTER WHAT SIDE IT IS ON, IF YOU A DUDE WITH A LIP RING YOU GAY. that goes to wayne and all his followers. and btw Jeezy album was the best album this year... hands dwn
" there apart of the list, things that i miss... "
November 13, 2008 @ 9:57 PM
living legend.
Regardless, MJ still and will remain the best in my eyes. Kobe is a cheap imitation of the great one, niggah that say he's better or any of that other bullshit ( like lewan or james jr ) can go eat a dick though
i'm just SAYING
November 11, 2008 @ 7:24 PM
love me or leave me alone.
love me or leave me alone.
@ 7:13 PM
so long, goodbye.
" so long, goodbye... "
sometimes i feel like bloggin, then sometimes i feel like writing one line just to express how i feel/felt throughout the day but... too many feelings to express in one line so i'll just write a bunch of bullshit like everyone always do. complain my ass off, until my fingers tire out. nothing to really complain about though, just that i don't fuckin care about school & i'm already wantin to just stop going even though i know i won't. my teeth are still ache'n a bit, idk if it's suppose to feel like this or not but i'll find out in the AM when i go get checked up.
Happy birthday Sis, just incase I forgot to blog or write that tomorrow.... Time to watch some movies, listen to music, watch tv... some bullshit to keep me entertained until i get sleepy and pass out.
" hate me or love me "
November 10, 2008 @ 7:02 PM
some blissful shit.
" i just want you to know, you're my favorite girl . . . "
my teeth are still kind've hurtin, but not as horrible yenoo ? i'm good now, but i'll make sure i complain when i got to the dentist. i wanted to skip school today & tomorrow but it seems like moms won't let me and i don't wanna upset her and shit so i'll just go to school or whatever so she won't get sick. her kemo's thursday, my sisters birthday is wed and i got to get check up then so yeah things should be cool and stuff. i'm watchin some bullshit on nick i'm about to turn from this channel though. tianna's ignore'n me & i think she's a dyke on DL... I KNOW THESE THINGS. i know a dyke when i see 'em, i've been with too many and stuff like that so how you gone fool rello ? school was boring, valesha keeps complaining about catchin my colds its her fault she sits by me and shit. english was annoying, motherfuckers sat and TALK like... that's boring as hell. I fall asleep while she runs her fuckin mouth. I can't wait til we hurry and write this report
but yeah, i blogged just to update this bullshit. i swear these motherfuckers can't act. i hate watchin shows where these niggahs actin is shitty. niggahs can't even fake laugh without lookin stupid. man let me turn this shit off... get me some pills & watch my movies. block myself from the world tonight. BLAME TIANNA, she's the reason i'm always emo or depressed... yes it's her. she's the fuckin reason! but oh well. PEACE
" they try to holler but they all on MUTE "
November 7, 2008 @ 4:46 AM
late night tooth aches.
" she's gone be my vixen, my bed'll be her stage... "
the pain, has kept me up since 2:30... i swear this broad NEVER answers her phone or even responds to my texts but soon as i ignore hers or some shit she's sooo mad. lol, ok. my teeth hurt, cheeks, jaw and all that. its like my bottom lip and jaw and bottom teeth are still numb... that shit is the most aggarvatin, the most annoying thing that i already know won't go away or so they say. so it's almost 5:00 and i'm not even droozy, well i'm a bit sleep but i don't know about sleepy to the point i'll fall asleep as soon as i close my eyes. but other then that, i just been on CS&MS bored as fuck, msg'n random ass people. i'm a go back and CS and do some more of that after this
but when it hits 5:00 i'm a turn my tv on ( gotta find my remote ) lay here and watch some bullshit tv and if i get bored or whatever nothing's good on then i guess i'll just turn around and face the wall until i fall asleep. it doesn't always work but oh well.
" far from highend i jus' know what suits me "
November 6, 2008 @ 6:46 PM
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hello, tianna here.
i felt the need to blog here since im feelin the way that long blog shit is making my blog look.
if that sentence even made sense.
the ugly bitch in front me is probably wondering why i keep glancing at her , shes not very appealing her eye makeup is just bothering me. she is too dark to be wearing baby blue eye shadow , and she has a bad weaveee. i dont mean to be mean i just dont like for people to "not look right" , on a normal day i would walk up to her and ask who did her hair and say that it was cute all that blazay blazay , but today i might lash off and tell her the truth , im not prepared for her response because im bleeding so ill just keep my thoughts to myself.
in the mean time ... jarell can finish this blog or whatever.
" i must got a angel, ckuz look how death miss his ass - unbreakable! "
yeah, idk why she wrote on my blog. i don't mind though. for the most part i'm in pain but i can endure alot so that's what i've done all day, was yellin and hittin walls earlier when it hurt to swallow my spit which turned out to be clots of blood that wouldn't stop drippin on my mouth. i'm good now, i can actually eat but it hurts like fuckin hell. i would've rather go to school then went through that bullshit. and i kind've sorta felt like i was awake during the surgery but i remember trying to wake up, lookin at that window above the room and them telling me i can get up now. taking the lil tubes out my arm and nose and shit. i'm too stubborn to have them walk me out the door so i basically tried to pull away and walk myself but they wouldn't let go of me. i ended up walking to the house by myself, just wanted to see if i could do it... i felt like i could. i wasn't THAT dizzy.
so, i'll be out for 3 days, meaning i'll be sick & shut in for 3 days. can't go no where, can't, barely can talk... barley can even walk alot.. but oh well i'll be aight. umm, they gave me all these rules. keep a ice pack on it, rinse with salt water after brushing, never lay flat down, don't spit out the blood clots it'll hurt... WHICH i did before even reading any such paper. and i actually was in so much pain when i got home... i don't feel that much better... just it isn't that mild now, it's like just a lil bit of pain when i move my mouth alot or try to eat. not much when i talk unless when i have to open my mouth allll the way but let me stop complaining. i'm so dead at these niggahs though, i don't care how bad a bitch is... jealousy & envy would never force me to stoop that low. I have too much pride to do some bullshit like that, regardless. But all in all, it seems like female shit to me. i don't ENTERTAIN IT!
on some other bullshit, i know for a fact i'll be in SC for a while well until moms get better and be able to go to work and all that good shit. i'm nervous to see how she pull out of that kemo, she got 3 doctor appointments next week.. i WILL be missing school tuesday and thursday.. i'll go tuesday and wed ( sister's brithday & doctor check up day ) her kemo's thursday, i def don't care if they drop me outtah that class... I HAVE to go to columbia with her regardless of school. I got next semseter to do it over .theres no second chance w/ life
" only once the drugs are done - then i feel like dyinnn "
November 5, 2008 @ 9:09 PM
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" you can my vixennn... "
my eyes love to twitch and shit, i get annoyed by it sometimes unless it brings any good on my day which rarely happens. today moved madd slow, but it was decent & i'm pleased for my last day of school prolly for good. i swear, i know i'm about to miss atleast 7 days, shit... i'm a be out tomorrow then basically almost all week besides monday and weds just like this week. that's crazy, i might as well drop them 2 math classes, ain't like i'm failing in them... there too easy for me to be making horrible grades. but yeah, enough about school i'm tired of it. so i watched nephew today, for the last time until monday ckuz i'm a be out of it for them 3 days after my mouth surgery, i ain't really nervous just curious about that sleeping medicine. will it put my right to sleep ? who knowwss
smh @ this show, i don't know why i'm soooo hooked to this show now. home improvement, shit is crack to me. i'm bout to watch some dragon ball z after i write this blog and listen to this song 2121 times then see about this miguel mixtape i was suppose to be downloading and shit. i think i'm a go to sleep watchin these shits like last night, but i can't drink or none of that shit after 12... so i need to get my drink on and eat on before 12 hit, owww. i think i'll stop bloggin now. ya'll don't deserve a long blog. well whoever reads this shit nowadays, i can't lie i wouldn't care if noone read em ckuz i barley read theres... i'd prolly skim just to be nosey see if any drama happened latley but yeah. so i'm gonneee
November 4, 2008 @ 11:08 PM
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went from slavery, racism, to a becoming president.
anything is possible [/KG] Barack Obama - America's first black president
@ 7:19 AM
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" In this crazy world... "
I decided not to vote today, not to be ignorant or whatever.. but just because i don't agree with either presidential candidate seclection. I don't want either one in office, so i won't vote for either. ( 'just to be different' ) so i haven't really slept, well i have but it ain't like i got the rest i needed. i fell asleep talkin to tianna well i doubt we were talkin but i know i was saying something to her before i dozed off. woke up and her phone was still on, as well as mine. & went back to sleep... i have no school today and i really don't care. i'll need a doctor excuse for class if we have a test. i think after this, i'll send them a email on the schools website just to be safe yenno ? let them know what's going on thursday and i will be out for 3 days, i already know i'll be fucked up after they pull them teeth thursday. that's going to be HELL even though i'll be knocked the fuck out off them drugs.
So yesterday, i dk what was wrong with me. I actually wrote a whole page of just rhymes back and front. ventin' on paper, that wasn't the first i've done it...just the first time i've actually keep it together. I mean i don't usually write songs and it makes sense or stays on topic. I usually jump around subjects aiming at one thing in one line, then talkin about a whole other subject in the nexxt lines. idk, the more i write the better i get. the better i get, the more determined.. the more i want to record and being that the studio is now somewhere in a dorm up north i'm stuck with a pen and a paper... i mean i COULD record on the cpu but it wouldn't sound as professional & i'm a professional.
why am i writtin so much ? no idea, just feel like it & even if no one decides to reads this atleast i got the enjoyment of talkin to self ( self always understands ). i don't care how i may appear to others, if i choose not to vote then leave me be. that's a personal decision, don't care about how ya'll may feel, what difference will we see ? more like we'll be in a state of emergency. back to the KKK days. niggahs really don't think about how crazy human beings are now. Do you really think people give two fucks about change ? health care ? niggah, yeah ok. as you already see, they don't want him in office and not because of his plans for the future but ckuz of his race. why am i even typing about it... not like it matters anymore. tianna's asleep, i'm awake and uncomfortable in many ways and my stomach ache's from smoking a black so early in the morning.
i think it's time to end this blog and be on my way, go surf the web or something just because i'm so wide awake and everybody else complaining about sleep or on some tianna shit and waking up for like 30 minutes then going right back to sleep. who does that, i wish it was still dark so i could atleast try and sleep some more. i think after this blog i'll try to sleep atleast 30 minutes, i don't care how long i sleep but i just want some more sleep so i won't come home after going to the voting place and fall out like i feel i will IF some white folks don't blow the polls up or some shit. snipers on roofs and shit. But i'm a try to sleep... fuck surfin the web.
" take, these broken wings.. & learn to fly again "
November 3, 2008 @ 5:43 PM
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" why try to fit in when you a stand out "
lol, fuck it...i won't lose any sleep tonight. i promise you i won't. fuck you all though, have a goodnight/day or w/e. it pose to rain
that should def put me into a coma aka a long deep sleep. peaceee
" thoughts in my head lookin like a niggah stuck w/ them wishin' it abruptly ends but god woke him up again.... "
